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This Perfect Instagram Account Combines Dicks And Latte Art

"I feared my family and friends would label me an immature pervert who's too easily amused. Which I am, of course!"

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(Even festive holiday phalluses!)

"I bought an espresso machine to save money on coffee and began teaching myself how to make lattes by watching YouTube videos," they tell BuzzFeed.

"A friend of mine sent me some videos of baristas making lattes with these beautiful designs like hearts and swans and roses…it was so cool!"

"I was trying to pour a heart, but at the last second, a perfectly shaped penis plopped out onto the cup. I laughed and sent a photo to my friend, and we giggled. I promised to get it right the next day, but then it just kept happening."

"Finally, I just took the extra milk foam and poured some balls, added a few details with the tip of my thermometer, and called it a dick latte," they say. "By that time, I had quite a collection of failed attempts in my photo folder."

dicklatte / Via

"I really wanted to show off my newfound talent, but feared my family and friends would label me an immature pervert who's too easily amused. Which I am, of course!"

"When I started the account, I was worried people would say inappropriate things or report the page, but everybody has been so polite and positive," they say.

Instagram: @dicklatte

"The comments make me laugh all day long. It's all been so funny, and at times surprisingly touching. The most meaningful reactions have come from strangers reaching out to me, thanking me for something they can count on to make them laugh on a daily basis, despite whatever they're going through. Some of the messages have been so moving they've even made me cry! I've had people send me blueprints and special requests. I've even had someone post–dick latte poetry!"

Every once in a while, a vulva shows up in @dicklatte's feed — but, the 'grammer says, as fumbling bedfellows have made clear to women since the beginning of time, female genitalia can be more difficult to figure out.

"I can pour dicks with my eyes closed," they tell BuzzFeed. "But I have to spoon labia, which gets way too complicated."

dicklatte / Via

"I only drink one cup of coffee a day, so I don't get much opportunity to practice. Crap equipment and poor technique have been the secret to my success."

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