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This Perfect Instagram Account Combines Dicks And Latte Art

"I feared my family and friends would label me an immature pervert who's too easily amused. Which I am, of course!"

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If your main interests include coffee and cocks, you may already know about the @dicklatte Instagram.

dicklatte / Via instagram.com

The account is a total schlong celebration, showcasing dicks from the circumcised to the uncut, the flaccid to the erect, and everything in between.

https://www.instagram.com/p/BByM6X-DAln/
https://www.instagram.com/p/BDeb6DWDAjb/
https://www.instagram.com/p/BDEkYb7jAjS/

(Even festive holiday phalluses!)

The 'grammer behind @dicklatte prefers to stay anonymous, but refers to themselves as a "thirtysomething from Los Angeles."

Look at that flawless c(l)ock.
dicklatte / Via instagram.com

Look at that flawless c(l)ock.

"I bought an espresso machine to save money on coffee and began teaching myself how to make lattes by watching YouTube videos," they tell BuzzFeed.

youtube.com

"A friend of mine sent me some videos of baristas making lattes with these beautiful designs like hearts and swans and roses…it was so cool!"

But one fateful morning, everything changed.

Dun dun DOOOOONG.
dicklatte / Via instagram.com

Dun dun DOOOOONG.

"I was trying to pour a heart, but at the last second, a perfectly shaped penis plopped out onto the cup. I laughed and sent a photo to my friend, and we giggled. I promised to get it right the next day, but then it just kept happening."

dicklatte / Via instagram.com

"Finally, I just took the extra milk foam and poured some balls, added a few details with the tip of my thermometer, and called it a dick latte," they say. "By that time, I had quite a collection of failed attempts in my photo folder."

"I really wanted to show off my newfound talent, but feared my family and friends would label me an immature pervert who's too easily amused. Which I am, of course!"
dicklatte / Via instagram.com

"I really wanted to show off my newfound talent, but feared my family and friends would label me an immature pervert who's too easily amused. Which I am, of course!"

"Instagram was my only way of sharing this simple joy of mine while remaining somewhat anonymous, and I honestly thought I'd get banned the first day."

dicklatte / Via instagram.com

But that hasn't happened — instead, @dicklatte now has over 5,000 followers.

https://www.instagram.com/p/BBgY4MpDAk2/
https://www.instagram.com/p/BCY6L_sjAlX/

"When I started the account, I was worried people would say inappropriate things or report the page, but everybody has been so polite and positive," they say.

"The comments make me laugh all day long. It's all been so funny, and at times surprisingly touching. The most meaningful reactions have come from strangers reaching out to me, thanking me for something they can count on to make them laugh on a daily basis, despite whatever they're going through. Some of the messages have been so moving they've even made me cry! I've had people send me blueprints and special requests. I've even had someone post–dick latte poetry!"
Instagram: @dicklatte

"The comments make me laugh all day long. It's all been so funny, and at times surprisingly touching. The most meaningful reactions have come from strangers reaching out to me, thanking me for something they can count on to make them laugh on a daily basis, despite whatever they're going through. Some of the messages have been so moving they've even made me cry! I've had people send me blueprints and special requests. I've even had someone post–dick latte poetry!"

Every once in a while, a vulva shows up in @dicklatte's feed — but, the 'grammer says, as fumbling bedfellows have made clear to women since the beginning of time, female genitalia can be more difficult to figure out.

dicklatte / Via instagram.com

"I can pour dicks with my eyes closed," they tell BuzzFeed. "But I have to spoon labia, which gets way too complicated."

"I only drink one cup of coffee a day, so I don't get much opportunity to practice. Crap equipment and poor technique have been the secret to my success."
dicklatte / Via instagram.com

"I only drink one cup of coffee a day, so I don't get much opportunity to practice. Crap equipment and poor technique have been the secret to my success."

And as for @dicklatte's favorite dick latte?

https://www.instagram.com/p/BCMWF7KjAoG/
https://www.instagram.com/p/BDO3ZXkjAge/

"If I had to pick one," they say, "it would be the one that makes you laugh the hardest."

The hardest indeed.
dicklatte / Via instagram.com

The hardest indeed.

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