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12 Genius Hacks For When Your Office Is A Frozen Hellscape

It's warm outside, but your office thermostat doesn't care about that.

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It's a total sweat tsunami outside... so why does it feel like the Arctic tundra in your place of work?

The Sixth Sense / Via spyglassentertainment.com

If you're a fellow member of the Chilly Office Club (henceforth known as COC), here are a few ways to make a smooth, eco-friendly transition from hundred-degree subway platforms to a cubicle it feels like you're sharing with Mischa Barton's ghost.

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2. Get serious about sweaters.

Keeping two cardigans at work makes it easy to wear one like a normal human being, and one discreetly as a blanket over your legs... in a way that's perhaps a little more dignified and professional than an actual blanket.

3. Get Nuddly.

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Or, if "dignified and professional" isn't on the agenda, there's always the Nuddle blanket. You may be thinking, "That looks an awful lot like the other wearable blankets of which I am ironically aware," but this one is different. This one has FEET.

4. Tell 'em how you really feel.

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In a similarly unprofessional and undignified realm is Thug Life Shirts' I am Freaking Cold top ($48.95), made for jokingly-but-not-really reminding your office manager just how uncool this extremely cool thermostat setting is.

5. Adopt a hot water bottle.

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They're not just for period cramps, people! Buy yourself a bottle to use in your lap, behind your back, or under your (shoeless) feet.

A cover is also important to keep you cozy and not burned. This one may not be the cheapest on the market, but it does look awfully businesslike.

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6. Grab yourself a window seat.

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If your workspace can accommodate it, move closer to the window and catch some rays. Especially in older buildings where windows aren't the pinnacle of energy efficiency, a little heat transfer from the outdoors can go a long way towards keeping you from becoming the grouchy man in the foreground of the above photo whose hair is, *scientific fact*, literally turning to icicles.

7. If your office has fans, run them clockwise.

Strangers with Candy / Via cc.com

Fans normally work by rotating counterclockwise, which pushes cool air downward and is supposed to make people feel lovely and refreshed. But when you're less lovely and refreshed and more daydreaming of harvesting a whale for its blubber to help you stay warm, switching up your fan style is the way to go. Here's how.

8. Make a pot of coffee

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Or tea, or hot chocolate, or whatever. The warming effect won't stop at your hands and belly — you'll also notice a new warmth coming off your workmates, who will think you're nice for taking the initiative.

9. Get up offa that thing.

Portlandia / Via ifc.com

Take the stairs, switch to a standing desk or exercise ball rather than a regular desk chair, and take frequent breaks to stretch and wiggle. Wiggling is imperative in these types of situations.

10. Come together.

Arrested Development / Via netflix.com

Research has shown that when people feel isolated, their skin temperature drops — so if you're looking to warm up, the answer might be working more collaboratively, scheduling more meetings or brainstorms, or even reconfiguring seating arrangements. Partitions, begone!

11. Be sneaky as hell.

Designed for places where "the thermostat is locked and you can't change the setting," this hack is ideal for an office full of oblivious people and completely devoid of security cameras. Use something cold to trick locked thermostats, which only sense the air temperature directly around them — just make sure whatever icy thing you're using is contained so it doesn't melt and short out the whole damned system. Or then again...

12. (Wo)man up and petition for a more casual dress code.

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If covert thermostat adjusting operations aren't your style, congratulations, you're an honest and upstanding human being! It's a fact that offices are often kept so cold during the summer months to keep suited people comfortable, much to the chagrin of those whose roles don't necessitate wool blends or ties.

Former Japanese Minister of the Environment Yuriko Koike confronted this problem in 2005 as part of the country's Cool Biz campaign, which encouraged men to go jacket- and tie-less in the summer as a step towards reducing the national carbon footprint through air conditioning. Since then, the country has drastically cut its greenhouse gas emissions — and if this early 2000s Cornell study is anything to go on, increased its productivity as well. Claims the study:

When the office temperature ... increased from 68 to 77 degrees Fahrenheit, typing errors fell by 44 percent and typing output jumped 150 percent.

And anyway, who wants to wear a long sleeved shirt in July?

The Avengers / Via marvel.com

Now take your newfound knowledge to the guardians of your office's cooling system and see how important summer suits are to them. You renegade, you!

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