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    Understanding Crossdressing, Gender Fluidity, And Why It’s Not A Problem

    A logical take on why crossdressing and gender fluidity is not just okay, but o-yay!

    Before reading this post, I encourage you to read it with an open mind and heart. There's a lot of info in here, some disagreeable to some, so just be prepared to receive my opinion, think about it, and feel free to explore more yourself after reading.

    I believe I now understand crossdressers, and people who call themselves gender fluid. They are similar to transgender people in some ways, but different in many others.

    Transgender people believe they were born in the wrong body, or at least feel they would feel happier or more comfortable encompassing the other gender entirely, full-time.

    Transgender vs. Genderfluid

    Crossdressers, on the other hand, are okay with their biological identity. But they like dressing and acting as women for other reasons. These reasons can vary from cultural reasons, to them just finding it sexy, to them having certain fetishes... or they simply have more of a feminine (or masculine) side that they want to express. It could be for other reasons too, or anywhere in between.

    I Am A Crossdresser: Something About Me!

    View this video on YouTube

    Keira Kross / Via YouTube

    The point is, transgender people don't want to live in their original gender and/or biological format. Therefore, they start a new life completely.

    However, for crossdressers, they are satisfied with themselves biologically, and are usually cool with their gender too, but also like the other side, and feel like exploring and expressing that, as well.

    Which brings me to my next point:


    What is gender, really?

    We all have preconceived notions of what gender is:

    It. just. Is.

    The standards are set, and while they change a bit over time and culture, generally it is very rigid, and if you violate those norms just a little bit, people FREAK out.

    Because everyone in society has these ideas of what's normal, everyone follows them, thinks it's all there for "a reason", and consequently, they don't step out of it for fear of ridicule by others or at the very least, puzzlement.

    And it's understandable: whenever people see something out of the ordinary, they are quick to call it "weird". They're practically synonyms, except the second one has a slightly more negative connotation.

    Gender Norms

    But why do we have these norms? Are they really how things are meant to be? Or is it merely tradition? I'd say the latter.

    While certain designs make sense biologically: men have their organs and women have theirs, and first and foremost, clothes are made to accommodate those traits...

    In today's world, how much difference is there left after that? As nothing is functional beyond that, why should physical gender representation even matter, then?

    In a world where men and women work the same jobs, do roughly the same activities, and find partners to marry and procreate with, what is left after, that is so different, in terms of biology and appearance? Very little.

    Double Standards

    So now think logically: why is it standard practice for a guy to grow his hair long, paint his nails black, and wear tight clothes (I'm picturing a rocker here, but it could be anyone), and even wear high heels and makeup on stage (think the band KISS, or an actor from your favorite play), but then it is so unacceptable for a guy to assume these roles off stage?

    For him to paint his nails any color other than black? To wear a bit of makeup now and then, to feel and look more attractive?

    Or to relieve, perhaps, the tight pressures of being a man in society today?

    Women have a much more 'lax code of dress and conduct, so they do the vice versa all the time, even dressing in men's clothes sometimes, and hardly anyone bats an eye. Double standards?

    Does a guy have to be "acting" or "performing", in order for him to be accepted in any role other than his strictly confined and defined "masculine" role? And if so, why? Does it actually make sense?

    For girls, do you not think other girls are more attractive, as they look more feminine? When you look at a guy, are you truly, actually attracted to his physical traits, or really his personality? Think about that.

    Making Sense...

    Coming from a guy's perspective; a guy who appreciates women's beauty so much, which is a big part of the reasons why he is attracted to them:

    Does it not make sense that, because I like how girls look, more than men, I may not possibly get inspired by them and also like to replicate these looks for myself, so that I may feel more attractive too?

    It makes sense now, doesn't it? Whether a guy who likes girls feels more sexy, or just feels closer to women by being more like them, even just physically, once in a while, or it simply makes him happy, it shouldn't matter. It shouldn't be weird.

    He is simply expressing himself, beyond what we would say is "normal" for most people. Is he different than most other people? Certainly.

    Is this a bad trait? Definitely not.

    I believe it proves he is aware of his individual needs more than other men, and is unafraid to fulfill them, despite society's airtight and uptight norms and beliefs.

    Gender Fluidity: What Is It?

    So here is where I introduce my understanding of gender fluidity:

    With the understanding that gender is socially constructed, meaning that it really is something society has created, not something that is naturally right or wrong, we can have a new understanding and acceptance of what it really means to be a boy or a girl.

    Read: The Social Construction of Gender

    Besides a few key biological differences, the concept that girls must wear skirts and guys must wear pants doesn't really hold much weight, other than that simply being the tradition.

    Men Who Wear Skirts

    View this video on YouTube

    HowStuffWorks / Via

    Think About This:

    If you took away gender, we'd all be the same.

    We all look roughly the same, although generally men may be a bit bigger, and we will all act the same. If we started a new, gender-less society, the only thing that would happen is we'd figure out that, biologically, men will go with women, but nothing else will matter.

    Forgetting what society has told us about clothes and roles, we certainly will all (both men and women) dress similarly, no matter the sex we were born with.

    And a new gender, one that is gender fluid, would be born.

    Gender vs. Sex

    For those who believe the words, "gender", and "sex", are synonymous, they're not.

    Your gender is different from your sex. Your sex is who you are, biologically speaking. Your sex is male, because you have male organs, or your sex is female, because you have female organs.

    Your gender is simply everything else society tells you that people with those physical traits have to be: what they have to think, look, and act like.

    This is an important distinction to make, as many people think gender is sex, and sex is gender. It could not be further from the truth.

    In fact, this misunderstanding is what causes ignorant thoughts such as, "If you look down, you'll see you are a girl. That's it. If you see that there, that means your gender is female. Period."

    This statement ignores the fact that gender is separate from sex, and asserts that your sex must define your gender, as well as imposing that if a person is a certain sex, they must conform to the standards society sets for their sex - their gender.

    After learning about the differences, and how conforming to human-made gender roles makes little sense logically, one can quickly understand why this view is uninformed and illogical.

    Now I am not saying, that gender is completely socially constructed. There are some less obvious biological differences between men and women, such as how they think about certain things, their spacial perception, etc.

    Read: Gender is Biological, Not Socially Constructed

    However, in this case, the sort of obvious gender differences we are analyzing are socially constructed.

    Revisiting Gender Fluidity

    Here's a definition of gender fluidity, taken directly from Urban Dictionary:

    "Gender Fluid is a gender identity best described as a dynamic mix of boy and girl. A person who is Gender Fluid may always feel like a mix of the two traditional genders, but may feel more boy some days, and more girl other days.

    Being Gender Fluid has nothing to do with which set of genitalia one has, nor their sexual orientation."

    While not all crossdressers are gender fluid, a majority of them are (even if they don't know it).

    Being gender fluid does not mean he or she is homosexual (it really has little to do with it: look at my reasoning about myself above), and does not mean he or she is always more or less feminine or masculine.

    It simply means they realize that these gender norms are BS, and are confident enough to not care, and do as they please. And they are happier for it.

    In fact, I believe many more people could, or would like to be gender fluid, or to a lesser extent, cross-dress, but will not, due to the emphasis on established male and female gender that society has created, and continues to follow dutifully.

    Why Not Date A Crossdresser?

    Due to the social construction of gender (which you start to pick up from day one, as your mom wraps you in pink or blue, depending on if you were born a female or a male,) many think it is wrong to blur the lines between genders, simply by crossing the strict line between a boy and a girl.

    And even those who don't have a problem with it, would not want to associate with them, and rather repel or ignore them, because they define the person by that. This definition and limitation of a person strictly by gender, I believe, is wrong, and superficial.

    To rebut girls who, despite acknowledging crossdressers, say things like, "Well, I'm fine with him doing that, but I can't date him. I wouldn't feel protected with a guy who wants to be feminine," or "I can't date a guy who looks like a girl. It just crosses a line when you go that far," You are right. It does cross a line: the line we've socially constructed and have been taught to think is the only thing that's acceptable. Because apparently, anything else could be trouble.

    I have news for you: A guy who likes to dress femininely can also be masculine, and attractive in other ways. He can appreciate a girl's sense of fashion and looks with a deeper sense than most other guys, and at the same time, not lose any of the traits that make him special, or a suitable partner, like his protection, sense of humor, power, or other forms of "manliness", whatever they may be.

    Of course, some girls do like guys who crossdress.

    When asked why, they give some great responses!


    Since Revealing Myself as a Crossdresser, Girls Want to Hang Out With Me More

    Double Standards, Again

    Ironically, sometimes girls take on the role of the "man" in the relationship. They dominate the relationship more, and while feminine looking, can be very tough, controlling, protective, or be other things men are stereotypically seen to be.

    And people don't have a problem with *that*.

    True Relationships

    In lesbian relationships, one of the two persons is usually more of the man, and one more of the woman in the relationship: regardless of their appearance.

    And they're both women!

    Think about it this way:

    When has a feminine lesbian ever turned away another woman for not being manly enough? Not very often.

    They tend to focus on the real traits, like protection, compassion, humor, compatibility, etc, regardless of physical appearance. They're less superficial lovers, so to say.

    They don't care as much about what you present yourself as, or how you dress, but more often, focus on the person that you are inside.

    These are aspects of real relationships, not superficial things, like even gender identity, as a whole.

    If only we could all be like this, surpassing these superficial, socially constructed, rules and "norms" that unconsciously bind and blind us so much.

    Animals See No Gender

    In proving that gender is man-made, gender does not truly exist in animals! Only biological differences do, small though they are.

    There are many organisms, that free-float between their "gender identity", and even their own biological "sex". It's all to do with procreation.

    Figuratively speaking, these animals care about what's inside, more than what's outside, and understand and enjoy each other even more, without the barriers that gender creates, even in couples. They love each other and care for each other just the same, without silly things we think get in the way, like the clothes we wear, or makeup we put on; things we think define our sexuality or our attractiveness.

    Animals don't have the concept of gender. They only differentiate based on their sex.

    And their relationships, perspectives, and acceptability in their kingdom don't change. Gender is something humans created, like many other superficial things that we do, and have done for generations.

    So What...

    So why can't we slide between what's stereotypically male, and female? After all, it's not something that's actually important to our relationships, is it?

    Adding something actually superficial in relationships, like what we choose to wear on a given day, shouldn't change that, as you've just seen that physical gender roles don't even matter in animal relationships.

    Their relationship roles do not change, regardless of how they choose to represent themselves physically. In fact, they don't even notice the difference.

    Therefore, by this logic, no matter what superficial gender roles we add to people, it won't matter, as we've learned that no matter what a person dresses like, it won't affect the person they are, or the kind of person they can be.

    What Really Matters

    To conclude, I'll take it back to the animal analogy.

    Do animals care what clothes they wear, or what color nail polish they put on?

    Do dog's potential partners turn their heel, and say, "Nope! He's wearing nail polish!"

    No, they don't. They don't care about silly things like that.

    And neither should you.