26 Signs You've Been Single For Way, Way, Way Too Long
♫ Soaring, tumbling, third-wheeling ♫
Your Google search history paints a tragic picture.
You are physically incapable of sharing a bed with anyone.
This is your greatest source of confusion:
And you've gotten a bit crappy at keeping in touch.
Your well-meaning friends often ask if you're swinging the other* way now.
And it's crossed your own mind a few times, too.
You're tempted to enter a relationship just so people will stop saying this god awful phrase to you:
You share an emotional connection with at least one pillow.
Everyone you know constantly has "the perfect person" they want to set you up with.
Spoiler alert: They're ALL wrong!
And, although you've been on a lot of awful ones, you know that the worst date of all is February 14th.
You've gotten this harsh surprise way too many times:
You've internalized a general dread around holidays.
And you've developed a genuine allergy to PDA.
You want to share your wisdom with young lovers and are often accused of killing their vibe.
Your online dating escapades have taught you that most humans are freaks.
Your friends are used to your insistence that you'll die alone, and no longer try to refute you.
You've become very fashion forward.
You're even more used to being a perpetual third wheel around your cutesy couple friends.
Sometimes (when it's been too long IYKWIM), things start getting a little desperate.
Forcing you to look deep into your past for an explanation.
But, hey, the only real explanation is that you know you're amazing and you won't settle for less than perfect.
Or, you know, that's what you tell yourself so you can sleep at night.
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