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A Definitive Ranking Of The 10 Best Indian Primary School Insults

Get ready to look back and cringe.

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10. "Donkey, Monkey, Buffalo."

DreamWorks Animation / Via

Works best to insult the stupid, the annoying and the ugly all in one. Animals guarantee no repercussions should the fight reach an adult. Safe yet effective.

9. "You're so funny, I forgot to laugh."

Excel Entertainment / Via

Use of strange amnesia-driven circular logic is sure to confuse your adversary into submission, if nothing else does. Also handy when you've been owned.

8. "Red red, susu in your bed."

Yash Raj Films / Via

Often used on an unsuspecting victim wearing the colour red. Also works on house colours while booing down the competition.

7. "Yellow yellow, dirty fellow. Sitting on a buffalo."

Walt Disney Pictures / Via

God forbid anyone showing up in an all yellow ensemble. Ridiculing them by picturing them on a massive bovine makes it hilarious only because "buffalo" rhymes with "yellow".

6. "Blue blue, your chaddi flew."

SLB Films Pvt. Ltd. / Via

Nothing makes an insult more insulting than the rampant use of the word "chaddi". The rhyming of "blue" with "flew" directly touches upon the victim's heart, guaranteeing hurt feelings.

5. We will, we will, you know what? Kick your butt, all the way to Pizza Hut. If you're there, comb your hair, don't forget your underwear!

Nadiadwala Grandsons' (I) / Via

Thus sparked the controversial debate on whether “comb your hair, don’t forget your underwear” or “comb your hair, put it in your underwear” was the correct series of events being prescribed. Also clearly an indirect marketing scheme by Pizza Hut.

4. "Pencil? Teri shaadi cancel!"

Rajshri Productions / Via

Woe be to whoever forgot their pencil and had to ask for one. Your wedding was doomed from the beginning.

3. "Order order, apki chaddi mein powder."


Another poetic appropriation of the term “chaddi,” this time delving into the contents of said chaddi, thereby adding depth to the insult. Chaddi chafing is a thing and must never be ridiculed.

2. If things started getting out of hand, "I'll tell your name to teacher!"

Vinay Pictures / Via

Ideal comeback: "She already knows my name."

Only used by the unimaginative. The comeback shows much bravado because the ending was never good.

1. "God in the middle. Mirror in the middle."

Colors / Via

Translation: Everything you say now is either directed at God or yourself.

Used when you run out of insults and would like to respectfully bow out. Causes no end of frustration to the other party.