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59 Things You Think About During A Meeting

If you say you pay attention the whole time, you're lying. Make sure to wear some beautiful shoes from Nine West so at least you have something pretty to look at.

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1. Just as I suspected – a meeting about a meeting!

2. Why can't we just email each other like civilized humans?????

3. Who's that new girl at the end?

4. Should I introduce myself?

5. Nope. Sorry. You're too far away.

6. Smile at her like you're friendly.

7. Yes, you. HELLO. I am quite approachable.

8. Good, now she knows I am the nice one.

9. I really should've sat next to the doughnut tray.

10. I can't get up now.

11. Would anyone notice if I crawled underneath the table and ate a doughnut?

12. I also REALLY didn't need that third margarita last night.

13. Or that entire hunk of Jarlsberg that I ate with a fork.

14. Or that entire Vietnamese sandwich.

15. Ugh... or those dumplings.

16. Definitely.

17. The boss' new highlights are EXTREMELY silly.

18. If someone says "ideate" one more time, I am going to lose it.

19. I need a pedicure. REAL bad.

20. I wonder what the kids want for dinner...

21. How can I disguise vegetables into something they would eat....

22. Oof, I can't wait to kiss their cutie-patootie faces.

23. ...Why does Jennifer Lopez never age?

24. Is it her expensive eye cream?

25. Should I buy more expensive cream?

26. Such expense for such a tiny thing.

27. ...I should complain about that new manager.

28. The one who keeps talking about people behind their backs the second they leave the room.

29. Look at her talk. Talk, talk, talk.

30. I should meet with my boss to discuss said manager and only start sentences with "I feel as though..."

31. Much more profesh.

32. Because, me, I — I am super profesh.

33. I think I'm overdressed.

34. Nope, I'm underdressed.

35. I am pretty sure my blouse is a bit see-through.

36. Good going.

37. ...How much does a table like this cost? It's just so big.

38. Is a conference room table cheaper than a dining room table?

39. Should I buy a conference room table for my dining room?

40. Like a king's court table?

41. Did they have meetings in the olden times?

42. Like, times of Yore, distant past, Renaissance, etc.?

43. "One if by land, two if by sea."

44. Raise hand. Say something.

45. There ya go, take that, manager.

46. Good. Let's all just "loop everyone in and ideate on that later." Woof.


48 Ooh! Here comes the slide I worked on for three days!

49. Aw, really? They skipped over my slide.

50. WHY am I here? (But really though.)

51. Would anybody notice if I just left and never came back? Ever? Like, EVER, ever?

52. Like if I moved to the woods?

53. And wore practical, waterproof things that are always weather appropriate?

54. Made my own jam, toilet paper, beef jerky, etc. and became friends with woodland creatures?

55. ...We should have an office dog.

56. No, an office cat.

57. We should have an office parrot, and once a week, HE could run a meeting and tell us what's on his parrot mind.

58. Oh! The meeting is done?

59. Good work, guys. Now I can eat my burrito.

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