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86 Thoughts Every Girl Has While Shopping At Victoria's Secret

What exactly is a garter belt?

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1. Time to begin my transformation into a sex bomb.

2. That is some really loud music.

3. Dear lord that fragrance is pungent. I think I can taste it.

4. Is… is that chocolate I smell?

5. OK, focus, we're here because we want to look more like Karlie Kloss.

6. Really, the only difference between us is the lingerie.

7. These polka dot mannequins look diseased.

8. Could I pull off this bra without the wings?

9. I totally can. I'm an ~angel~.


10. Ooooh sequins!

11. Oh wait, it's a bralette.

12. Can't a girl get shiny things and support?

13. Alright this lacy thing looks promising.

14. I better just grab a bunch.

15. How come there are only, like, 10 bras out here?

16. Oh, drawers.

17. Ah, yes, of course my size is buried in the back.

18. Do I need a garter belt?

19. I'm definitely sophisticated enough for a garter belt.

20. Plus it might hide some belly fat.

21. Which reminds me, gotta stop by the athletic section.

22. A front-close sports bra seems dangerous.

23. Won't my boob sweat rust up the zipper?

24. If I don't leave now all this neon is going to blind me.

25. Oh my god, is that a literal French maid costume?

26. Who would even wear that?

27. I wonder if they have it in my size.

28. Woah there's a guy here! A pretty cute guy. Mmmm.

29. Oh wait he's probably shopping for his girlfriend.


30. Time to try these on.

31. Omg, this fitting room is nicer than my living room.

32. Who knew pink-on-pink could be such a soothing color scheme?

33. No thanks, I don't need to be fitted.

34. Yes I'm a 32C.

35. She totally doesn't believe me.

36. Oooooh there's a call button in here!

37. I shouldn't have this much power.

38. OK, let's start with this bra. Actually this one seems a little conservative.

39. WHAT THE HELL. The padding is forcing my boobs out of the bra!

40. Bras are supposed to contain boobs.

41. They're basically touching my neck!

42. Is that what sexy is?

43. Maybe the sports bra will be better.

44. This is a lot of cleavage for a sports bra.

45. And it costs more than my monthly gym membership. Bye.

46. On to the angel wing bra.

47. OK, this bra definitely DOES NOT work without the wings.

48. Are these extra straps?

49. Omg they have metallic tassels!

50. Better ask for help.

51. Finally, I get to press the button. Come to me, minion!

52. I'm sorry, what exactly is a "necklace strap"?

53. Oh, so they include useless straps on purpose. Good to know.


54. ... the fuck is a "balconette"?

55. Are my boobs like on a balcony or something?

56. My boobs are Juliet.

57. Actually, this balconette thing is a pretty nice fit.

58. Yeah, I'm smokin'. They should put me on the runway.

59. FIFTY-EIGHT DOLLARS?! Is there a diamond in this thing somewhere?

60. Maybe the matching garter will convince me.

61. How do I even put this on?

62. I think my foot is caught.

63. There we go.

64. I don't think it's supposed to emphasize my lumps.

65. This torture device is literally cutting off my circulation.

66. I know the low lights and fruity smells are supposed to make me feel sexy, but I'm about to pass out.

67. I should probably grab some underwear to complete my sex bomb metamorphosis.

68. Five for $27 panties!

69. The word "panties" definitely skeeves me out.

70. That's like $5 per…unit! I will not be swindled!

71. ...But the lace. And the colors! I need all the colors.

72. Ugh, why are all the cutest ones thongs?

73. This is way too pretty to put in my butt crack.

74. Do I want underwear with words on the front?

75. I don't want the guy who's taking them off to stop to read.

76. And then judge me for wearing "Tuesday" underwear on Saturday.

77. Eh the bra I'm buying is ~sexy~ enough, I'll just grab some briefs.

78. All right. Let's checkout and give half my paycheck to this Victoria girl.

79. I guess I need this shiny lip gloss.

80. And this sparkly lip scrub.

81. Can't leave without breath mist.

82. I'd be a fool not to get this perfume after inhaling it for the last half hour.

83. Excuse me, I think the decimal is in the wrong place on my total.

84. Ugh fine, take my whole paycheck.

85. This bitch's secret is fucking expensive.

86. At least I'm going to look hot.