If you're a red-blooded American, you've probably seen American Pickers on the History Channel.
And if you've watched the show, you've probably noticed *him* before.
That's Mike Wolfe, one of the hosts of American Pickers, THE HOTTEST GUY on the History Channel, and the boyfriend you never knew you needed.
Seriously, look at how he stares deep into your soul with his beautiful eyes at the beginning of each episode.
His body is in peak physical condition. Just look at how athletic he is.
He'll take you on a bulldozer ride, like a rugged American hero.
Or maybe you'll ride horses together, and he'll somehow manage to look more majestic than the horse.
He'll serenade you with a sweet song he improvised on the spot.
Don't worry, if you ever have an argument, he can admit when he's made a mistake.
And then he'll splay himself out in the van to let you know his body is ready for make-up sex.
He'll definitely appreciate every inch of a woman's body.
His dirty talk game is on point and makes references to American wildlife.
Oh, and he's basically the DILF-iest DILF that ever DILFed. Have your ovaries exploded yet?
He's also an amazing, folksy poet.
And he's super well-dressed. Honestly, what's more American than a guy who can pull off the all-denim look...
... just as well as he can pull off a suit?
He can even make goggles look chic.
Plus, he definitely knows how to let loose and shake that booty on the dance floor.
Don't you want to know what it's like to be taken by those rough, wildly gesturing hands?
Just UNF.
I mean, COME ON.
You know you need a junkyard patriot like him.
So please, America, wake up and realize who your true soulmate is.
