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77 Thoughts Every Glaswegian Has Walking Down Buchanan Street

People make Glasgow. Especially Leo the Silent Raver.

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1. Poor old HMV. We had some good times, pal!

2. That is, until Netflix and Spotify came along...

3. Wait, is that a violin or a trumpet? OMG, it's a violumpet!

4. Which concert hall steps protest am I involuntarily participating in today then?

5. What was there before Forever 21 and Paperchase?

6. Seriously, though, they opened, like, two years ago and I really cannot remember what was there before.

7. That wee busker outside the tourist centre has some strong lungs.

8. Aw, not Paolo Nutini again. Is "Rewind" seriously the only song you guys know?

9. Wait, wasn't he on The X Factor at some point?

10. What's that heavenly scent of freshly baked goods? Ah yes, Gregg's, my old friend!

11. Speaking of which, I could really go a sausage roll right about now.

12. Or a steak bake, mmmm!

13. Wait, they do soup now too? Who knew?

14. I think the Blood Donor Centre might be open today.

15. I should really start giving blood. I mean, it's just a tiny needle and I could save a life!

16. ...

17. Maybe next week?

18. This red man is taking forever to change to green. Might just chance it and cross. There's a bus coming though.

19. That guy's chancing it.

20. That woman has a buggy and she's chancing it.

21. Screw it, let's do this! We're in this together, people!

22. Slow down, taxi man, I'm walking here! Sake...

23. Wow, he did not look happy.

24. We made it! Well done, guys, high fi– aaaand they're gone.

25. I do not need a Starbucks. I do not need a Starbucks.

26. "Yes, hi, I'll take a Venti Iced Caramel Macchiato, please." Dammit!

27. Who even shops in Urban Outfitters anymore?

28. Ooh, what's that? Maybe I'll just pop in for a quick browse.

29. Gah! I forget there's always another Starbucks like 20 feet away.

30. I do not need another Starbucks. I do not need another Starbucks.

31. That Duke of Wellington living statue guy deserves a medal.

32. I wonder if he'll do something if I put some change in his wee box.

33. Yaaass! He tipped his cone hat at me! Good day to you too, fine sir!

34. James Pringles… who even wears that much tartan?

35. Except maybe the Clanadonia Drummers.

36. And they still insist on selling those godawful "blether" and "numpty" T-shirts. I've never actually seen anyone wear those.

37. Like, ever.

38. It's like the clothing equivalent of all those deep-fried Mars bar stereotypes, in that, I've never actually met anyone who's had one of those either.

39. It's a pretty well-known fact that most of the traffic lights in the city centre are just for decoration. Once again, I find myself crossing with a herd of pedestrians collectively defying road safety rules. Pure rebels, so we are.

40. OK, forget the Duke of Wellington guy. This violinist walking a tightrope is the future of street performance!

41. Kinda want him to fall off though. My Weegie sense of humour makes me sick.

42. Och, there's that mad Slash guy outside TGI's again.


44. Sweet Child O' NOPE.

45. You have to wonder if he's just taking the piss though. Maybe everyone's in on the joke but me?

46. On a more pressing note, when did they paint the phone box green?

47. Oh, new juice bar!

48. So, basically, the hipsters have hijacked the TARDIS. Great.

49. Aw, it's Leo the Silent Raver!

50. I wish Leo the Silent Raver was my pal. A true inspiration to us all.

51. God, I miss Borders.

52. Have never actually been in All Saints...

53. Never trust a shop with a load of scary looking sewing machines in the windows, am I right?

54. I should really read more books.

55. I wonder if the guy with the balloon animals stall is genuinely happy, or if he constantly wonders where his life went wrong whilst making yet another giraffe.

56. I think I can hear "Highland Cathedral" somewhere in the distance.

57. Mmmm, Lush smells so good!

58. Not as good as Gregg's, of course.

59. Plus, what is it, like, a tenner for a bar of soap? What's that all about?

60. Yep, here he is, the lone piper.

61. I'm pretty sure most Scottish people actually can't stand the bagpipes.

62. They'd never admit it, of course, but it's the truth.

63. "Highland Cathedral" does make me feel pretty patriotic, tbh.


65. Aaaah, charity folk. OK, be cool. BE. COOL.

66. Sorry, Oxfam guy, I'd love to stay and chat but instead I'm going to walk past you very quickly and stare at the ground to avoid eye contact like the awkward, selfish human being that I am. Maybe next time!

67. Damn, there's another one. They're everywhere. I'm surrounded!

68. "Hi there. Starving orphans in Africa? That's awful. Here are all my bank details."

69. Those American Indians have serious pan piping skills.

70. Can still hear nothing but those bloody bagpipes though.

71. What's this crowd looking at? Probably some eejit throwing fire and knives about

72. Yep, nailed it.

73. This isn't entertainment. This is just typical Glasgow street life, with less fire and sharp blades and more juggling.

74. I wonder if anyone else gets paranoid about that big spiky Princes Square peacock falling down and crushing them to death.

75. YO! Sushi makes me wish I had friends to eat at YO! Sushi with.

76. That Argyle Arcade jewellers doorman guy has the coolest job. He just gets to stand there and look dapper AF all day.

77. St Enoch Square, here we are! And just in time for another coffee, I think. Caffé Nero, I'm looking at you.