Imagine you lived in a parallel universe, and it's election day in the US. Having just won his reelection, the President is addressing his supporters and celebrating the victory. The Capitol Square is packed. Then, all of a sudden, a 20-something skinny boy runs through the crowd, chased by an MMA-fighter looking predator, who finally gets a hold of him and beats him to death in public.
Ignoring the shock of the hundreds of eyewitnesses, the MMA-looking guy carries the body of the kid 50 meters away, in a nearby lawn. By the way he looks and acts carries himself, the MMA guy now most definitely seems to be an undercover cop. Uniformed officers arrive, but instead of arresting him, they have a friendly chat and let him go.
The next morning, Gary Johnson, the leader of the Libertarian Party, who presented the biggest threat to Obama's reelection in draining his ideological voters away and thus helping the Republicans, gets arrested in a restaurant while receiving a $100.000 campaign donation in cash. Losing the elections with no college seats won, he meets a campaign donor who apparently works for the police as an agent-provocateur. A small army of big boys, dressed in the same civilian cop uniforms as the aforementioned MMA fighter who barehandedly killed a young boy, storm into the restaurant and get him arrested. With his hands cuffed behind his back, he's dragged out to the parking lot, forced onto the ground, made to lie face-down for 40 minutes in front of tens of eyewitness, while TV cameras arrive and broadcast the arrest of the century.
After that, the CIA director, who for the sake of the story, happens to be Obama's cousin in this case, calls the editor in chief of NBC News with the good news.
- "What's up boss! How's the underground?" says the journalist.
- "I've been trying to reach you and the fatso (NBC president), but you motherfuckers ain't pickin' up! Listen, I got some great news!" says the CIA man.
- "I know, I heard it 5 minutes ago" says the voice on the other end "but tell me, what did he do?"
- "He got caught with 10 stacks of $10.000, had to lie on the ground and whine that he was set up by me, crying 'he fucked me over!' like a little bitch", the CIA director answers.
- "Wow, wow, wow, let's see him talk shit now, AHAHAHAHAA, put him in a cell with Jim Walton (CNN president, imprisoned a few months before the elections)" replies the NBC editor.
- "Yeah, they'll celebrate the victory together now AHAHAHAHA. He'll get 8 years for this, and I'll send him some well hung junkie or a n***** to fuck him in his cell every day, cause he likes hanging out with n***** anyway. AHAHAHAHA! Didn't I tell you I was gonna start arresting people on Monday!? Didn't I? AHAHAHAHAHA!" – and the conversation continues in this courteous friendly atmosphere for a few more minutes.
The head of the CIA then calls the President of Fox News, and shares the same good news with him.
- "Did I promise you that I was gonna start arresting people on Monday or what!? I was waiting for the election results to see who's who, and then I just go ahead and do it, BANG BANG! AHAHAHAHA". – says the CIA director
- "Yeah I know you told me this" the FOX president replies, obviously excited, "but I thought you were gonna wait until Wednesday, cause Wednesday is your lucky day AHAHAHAHA!
- "No, it's Monday baby, and I started with the prettiest of them all! AHAHAHA! Listen, I want you to send cameras in the courthouse to shoot his stupid sad face and be careful, I don't want you to blur anything out. Keep showing him lying on the ground, ok?".
- "No worries, it'll be my pleasure, I just wish you could also arrest Jill Stein (Green Party candidate), which would really be great! AHAHAHAHA".
That same day the White House chief of staff calls the FBI director to discuss the recent events. After they both acknowledge they can be happy with the results, they continue discussing the arrest of Gary Johnson, their biggest scare during the campaign.
- "Listen, I plan to take over his party within a week. His aides are all gonna get the boot from their jobs. No mercy! We're gonna have them destroyed so they won't see the sun again" says the White House man.
- "We need to come up with a list", the FBI director adds, "a list of all his members and supporters and have some of them fired from their jobs in the administration and make an example of them! Natalie, Mark and John, for instance. There's no way we're gonna pay their wages after they gave us that scare during the elections!"
- "You're right" the highest ranking White House offical replies, "I've been meaning to ask you... What do you think, should we plant a story… like, Fox News sources confirm that Johnson has been receiving the money from an Al Qaeda terrorist in order to make concessions on our war on terror once he gets elected?"
- "I think it's too early for that" the truly sensible FBI director replies "it's the first day of his arrest, let's stick to the corruption case for now".
- "You're right, let me know if you need my help telling media editors how to frame this. Bye!"
Afterwards, the FBI director gets a phone-call by the FBI spokesperson who has just finished his press conference on the arrest of Johnson.
- "Listen, real quick, the journos are asking for photos of the arrest".
- "Well let em have 'em" the director replies.
- "Yeah, I know, but there are some photos of the guys putting a gun in his mouth, should I send those photos too?"
- "No, send some lighter ones."
- "Ok, so gun in mouth is a no-no, him kissing the ground is OK?"
- "That's right. Goodbye now!"
- "Oh, oh, oh, and one other thing, these morons from CNN have been asking me about a kid getting killed last night during the rally, FUCKING IDIOTS!"
- "Ok, I gotta go watch the news now!" – the director replies.
That night, a couple of hundred youths, organized via Twitter, show up on the city square, interrupting the ongoing events and demanding answers about Martin, the kid that was killed right there the previous night. 24 hours later, the police acknowledge that one of Obama's bodyguards – the guy that looks like an MMA fighter – has indeed killed the boy and has turned himself in. After months of street demonstrations, demands for resignations and a court trial, Obama's bodyguard is sentenced to 14 years imprisonment, but leaked photos show him having a quite comfortable cell and lavish dinners inside the prison. Nobody else resigns.
Does this sound like a cheesy crime story to you? Well, this actually happened in a small country in Europe in 2011. Our Obama is Macedonian Prime Minister Nikola Gruevski, our CIA Director Sasho Mijalkov – Gruevski's first cousin. Gruevski's chief of staff is Martin Protugjer and the FBI director is our minister of interior Gordana Jankulovska. The two media dudes are the editor in chief of TV Sitel, Dragan Pavlovic – Latas, and the owner of Kanal 5, Emil Stojmenov. The FBI spokesperson is Ivo Kotevski – the spokesperson of the ministry of interior and assistant minister to Gordana Jankulovska.
Ljube Boskovski is represented by Johnson and is still serving his 8 year sentence in jail with another show trial coming up in court. He's also been ripped off by the intelligence director Sasha Mijalkov on charges for telling lies against him in the campaign, forcing his family to sell their property and flee the country. Boskovski is a real shady character in Macedonian politics, who also happened to serve a few years in Hague for a "light" case of war crimes in 2001. After he was released, he was welcomed as hero by the nationalist government of Gruevski and his coalition partners. After he decided to run for president on his own in 2009, he became the archenemy of the ruling party and traitor to national interests.
The current leader of the opposition social-democrats, Zoran Zaev, has been releasing wiretapped phone recordings during a series of press conferences this month. He claims that they've been leaked by patriots working in the intelligence service ordered to spy on political opponents and state leaders by the service director Sasho Mijalkov – the big brother (cousin really). Zaev claims that every next press conference is going to present a worse leaked recording, showing more scandalous chapters of recent Macedonian history. The next one is scheduled in a few days. Can you imagine a worse crime plot than the one you just read?