You've information vegetable, animal, and mineral.
You know the Kings of England and you quote the fights historical, from Marathon to Waterloo in order categorical
8, -412, -80, 48, -12
You're very well acquainted, too, with matters mathematical, You understand equations, both the simple and quadratical
About binomial theorem you're teeming with a lot o' news, With many cheerful facts about the square of the hypotenuse
You know the scientific names of beings animalculous:
Rain on your wedding dayA time traveller stopping his own birthA coin flip landing on its edgeBeing younger than your nephew
You've a pretty taste for paradox.
The Sacrifice at LystraThe QuackPlundering the King's Cellar at ParisEcce Homo
You can tell undoubted Raphaels from Gerard Dows and Zoffanys
Croak-croak-bworrrk-croakRibbity-ribbit ribbity-rekBrekekekèx-koàx-koáxHop-lick-a-lick hop-lick-lick
You know the croaking chorus from The Frogs of Aristophanes!
Never!AlwaysSometimes?Well, hardly ever...
You can hum a fugue of which you've heard the music's din afore, And whistle all the airs from that infernal nonsense Pinafore
All of his armour was gold-platedHis chestplate was studded with the teeth of his enemiesSeveral arrowheads were stuck in the backHe wore nothing but a loincloth
You can tell every detail of Caractacus's uniform.
You know what is meant by "mamelon" and "ravelin", And you can tell at sight a Mauser rifle from a javelin
Mournful sentiments written from loved ones to the recently deceasedA military department that supplies food to troopsThe social class comprised of those who do manual labour for workAn early sanitary napkin made from hemp fibre
You know precisely what is meant by "commissariat"
A better Major-General has never sat a gee.
Are You The Very Model Of A Modern Major-General?
You can't tell a Mauser rifle from a javelin, solve the simplest mathematical equation or recite any historical works of art. For shame. For shame! FOR SHAME!
You have a commendable knowledge of modern gunnery, differential calculus and the mythic history of King Arthur, however you are not fully engaged in your employment.
You can write a washing bill in Babylonic cuneiform whilst quoting in elegiacs all the crimes of Heliogabalus! In short, in matters vegetable, animal, and mineral, you are the very model of a modern Major-General.