A Definitive Ranking of the 33 Hottest Men In Historical Paintings

How can you resist that sexy glare? It's obvious Beethoven wasn't only renowned for his music but his KILLER good looks were also important. Who wouldn't want to run their hands through his luscious locks as he played the piano?

If Newton's Laws of Motion didn't attract you to him, then his delicious nose might. It's basically his most striking feature. He's totally doable, just saying. Who KNOWS what would happen in the bedroom if he gave you a sneak preview of his profile.

*Sigh* He's a total dreamboat. It's a blessing for us all that he's featured on the $10 bill. We get so many opportunities to stare at his beautiful visage literally every day. His nose definitely puts Newton's to shame.

That luscious beard, though! It's safe to say that Monet was probably the main inspiration for the latest lumbersexual craze. Paint me like one of your French girls, please.

This captain holds the first-class ticket to our hearts. You should be jealous of his horse, though — he's definitely getting more action than you.

Look at Mr. Candescent over here. His obvious smugness shouldn't come off as a surprise — he was a part of the Romantic movement, after all. He knows his shit when it comes to wooing someone off their feet.

Don't be concerned with his super-serious visage. He is also aptly known as Mr. Aphrodisiac. Honestly all he needs is an easel and some paint to make any night exciting.

Ugh, he's seriously too handsome for his own good. Even he's ashamed of his gorgeous looks and impressive masculine 'stashe because he knows that it drives us all mad.

George is pretending to be ~super serious~ as he stares off into the distance. He's probably not looking at anything important tbh but he sure looks fine as hell.

Sir James Brooke aka Sir Humpsalot is also a part-time model. As you can see in the photo above, he's showing off his package whilst modeling an expert pair of pants. GET IT.

I bet everyone and their grandmother lined up for chance to do the nasty with this fit chap back in the day. What's not to love about him? Can I help you twirl that 'stache of yours, or...?

László is pretty much a smooth operator. It's hard to figure out exactly why he's so perfect: the thick flowing mustache, his piercing eyes, or that sexy-ass hat.

Only problem with this anonymous chap is that he has way too many layers on. Though this could also be a good thing. Imagine all the fun you could have taking off each article of clothing? Starting with the ascot tie... slowly... slowly... yes. Good.

WOW. NOW THAT'S WHAT I CALL STYLE. We're going to ask that you keep all of your clothes on for the duration of this experiment, Robert. Yes, even the gloves.

Pardon me, but I mustache you a question... First of all, why are you so attractive? And second, can I touch your mustache? Thank you.

Count Silver Fox over here needs to calm the hell down. Does he realize what his sexiness is doing to everyone or that people's thirsts are intensifying with each waking minute? Get it under control, Count.

Bow chicka wow wow. His pink lips look so scrumptious. Who wouldn't dream of spending the night intensely making out with John's sweet lips?

He is totally giving you that mischievous come-hither look. The important question is, what exactly is he hiding in that hat???

Goddamn, his eyebrow game IS ON POINT. If that doesn't seal the deal, I don't know what will. C'mon!

This majestic beauty is totally aware of his gorgeousness and that's OK. "Yeah, you know you want me. What are you gonna do about it?"

Yummy, Armand the Irresistible. OK, sure. You can stick your hands in my pockets anytime. Too forward? Who cares. We're at this point in the countdown anyway, it's too late to turn back.

I wonder what was going through Raphael's head while he was painting himself? "Hmm, yes... What a great chin... Perfect nose... Intense eyes... I'm basically the best model I've ever worked with."

It's true that William Shackleton nicknamed his breathtaking mustache Mr. Stimulatory. One touch of the magical creature could make dreams come true. Even he couldn't handle its power.

A man's man. Quality butt chin, totally buff, and he has a perfect amount of hair. Everyone wants to squeeze his adorable cheeks so badly. But what cheeks, though? I'll leave that up to your imagination.

This is by far the most impressive facial hair I have ever seen. I just want to get lost in it for days, weeks — hell, maybe even years. His face is just so intense, and the energy emitting from this painting is guaranteed to pull ANYONE in. He totally has Capaldi-esque eyes BTW.

This Frenchman is taunting us all with his sexy aura. Seriously, he's just casually being too attractive in his little quaint studio apartment. There's probably French café music playing in the distance, and a nice warm baguette waiting to be eaten slightly out of frame.

Ahh, and a defining moment in art history, here is Gustave finally coming to the stark realization of how damn suave he is. "I didn't actually notice how ridiculously good-looking I am! SHIT!"

Pretty sure he's staring off into the distance because he's thinking about something super romantic to say. Or he's just scooping out da bodacious booty. Both are great tbh.

Léon is totally mind-melting and he's killing the game with that adorable pout. Why does he look so sad? It's probably because he doesn't have you in his life yet.

♫ Maybe he's born with it. Maybe it's Maybelline. ♫ Seriously, his hair is more impressive than a lion's mane. What kind of hair products was he using?

Léon is giving Adonis a run for his money. Seriously, RIP, everyone — thanks to his rugged charm, chiseled cheeks, and swoonworthy love stare.

Observe Delacroix, the master of the smolder. Panties were probably flying all over the place whenever he walked into a bar. How could he live knowing what his enchanting face was doing to people?

Where to begin? I... Uh... Yeah, we're basically speechless. By Paul's face alone, he is probably so over being one of the most captivating men in art history. "Cheers for the prestigious honor, but this isn't my first rodeo. Now if you'll excuse me, there are a bunch of ladies waiting outside and it's going to be a long night."