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    7 Places Scott Brown Could Have Hidden (Other Than A Bathroom) To Avoid Hobby Lobby Questions

    Former Massachusetts politician Scott P. Brown hid in a restaurant bathroom rather than answer questions from a reporter about his position on the Supreme Court's Hobby Lobby decision and his feelings on whether women should make their own health choices. While we know that you have to work with what you've got when trying to avoid any and all discussion about your failed record and out-of-step positions, here are seven alternate hiding spots we think could have served Mr. Brown better.

    1. Under a Blanket

    This is old reliable. A trusted standby.

    Positives: are that blankets are easy to find, cheap and come in a variety of sizes and colors. When hiding from Hobby Lobby questions, choice is key.

    Negatives: the downside of hiding under a blanket is that you're a grown man hiding under a blanket, and everyone will know exactly where you are...because you're just under a blanket. Assuming the reporter is not a Scooby-Doo villain, you're likely to still have to face questions about why you oppose women making health care decisions for themselves.

    We rate hiding spot: 1/10.

    2. Mount Everest

    It takes weeks to get to the top and you can only try and climb it during brief windows each year. This option sounds great. It's a little pricey though - a climb up Everest can run about $65,000 - that's even more than what Brown's Super PAC raised - so this is going to be a tough one. If he can shoulder the upfront investment, though, Everest is a great option: we don't know a reporter alive whose expense account would cover that trip.

    Positives: the benefits of this hiding spot include how hard it would be for reporters without a significant cardio base to make the climb. Also, there is a serious lack of travel options for reporters to get to you other than via Sherpa. And with the atmospheric pressure at the summit being only 1/3 of that at sea level, it is almost impossible for pesky reporters to ask Brown questions.

    Or breathe.

    Negatives: problems with hiding on Mt. Everest include sub-zero temperatures, making it virtually impossible for Scott Brown to take off his shirt. Which we know he loves to do.

    We rate hiding spot: 4/10.

    3. The Mariana Trench

    This is the deepest known underwater point in all the world's oceans. There have only ever been 4 manned descents to the bottom, so unless the reporter who is dogging Brown with questions about important issues also possesses a Swiss-designed, Italian-built, United States Navy-owned bathyscaphe, you'll likely be safe from those annoying "questions" about "issues."

    Positives: The upside of Brown hiding at the bottom of the ocean to avoid answering questions include extreme remoteness, lack of reliable wifi and likely poor cell reception (so good luck filing a story from down there, reporters).

    Negatives: Negatives of this hiding spot include sea monsters.

    We rate hiding spot: 6/10.

    4. That Giant Mystery Hole In Siberia

    We know what you're thinking: why would you need a hole that has already been dug? Brown is doing a fine job digging his way into worse and worse headlines all on his own. Maybe it's time for a break, is all we're saying.

    Scientists are baffled at this one (kind of like how Scott Brown is baffled by how reporters keep asking him so many questions - like leave me alone, right?): A giant crater just appeared in a remote part of Russia. If you're looking to hide, a giant, mysterious hole in a region whose name, when translated, literally means "end of the world" is a primo spot to consider.

    Positives: Pros of this hiding spot include: very remote (like the possibility of Scott Brown giving a straight answer), the language barrier, and freezing temperatures that would discourage even the heartiest of journalists (or as Team Brown calls them "People You Don't Care To Talk To's).

    Negatives: Brown would probably have to rent a car when he gets there, meaning he'll have to forgo driving that truck he loves so much. Or maybe it's already gone?

    We rate hiding spot: 6/10.

    5. That Closet Full of Random Stuff At Your House

    You know this closet. You don't understand this closet. You fear this closet. If you open it too fast, everything - and we mean everything - will fall on you. Fishing gear, knitting supplies, a Halloween costume from 2002 and like three different shoes. Is that a Snuggie? Nope, it's two Snuggies.

    Positives: the primary benefit of this hiding spot is that it's messy. Like really messy. Messy like the week Scott Brown had - hiding in bathrooms to avoid tough questions, forgetting what state he is in, etc. In this closet, it is impossible to find the thing you're looking for (like how it's hard for Scott Brown to remember if he's in NH or MA). If a reporter does manage to find Brown here, they will have to wade through years of old report cards, soccer participation trophies and 3-4 unopened presents that are waiting to be re-gifted this Christmas.

    Negatives: downsides include that Brown might accidentally be found if he happens to be hiding from reporters when a deep clean of the house is declared (that usually happens right before company arrives for Thanksgiving). Also dust. It is super, duper dusty in there and unless Brown has nostrils of steel, his sneezing will surely blow his cover.

    We rate hiding spot: 7.5/10.

    6. The Future and/or the Past

    We know what you're thinking: time travel is impossible. Well sure, with THAT attitude. This strategy is clearly being considered by Scott Brown almost as we speak:

    (Spelling? Where Scott Brown is going he won't need spelling).

    Time travel offers a lot of positives to someone who is clearly looking to be left alone by people like "voters" and "reporters." You know, those people.

    Positives: Not a lot of people have time machines. So, it would be really hard for a reporter to engage in some kind of multidimensional goose chase. It would be seriously impossible for a reporter to ask Brown a question about Hobby Lobby. Time travel is basically the universe's best bathroom hiding spot. Also, if Brown choses to head to the past, he could head right back to his time in Massachusetts - a state he seems to not be able to quiet fully give up and a place that he has expressed his love for again and again.

    Negatives: a major downside of time travel as a hiding spot include potentially ripping a hole in the space-time continuum.

    Think about this: what if Brown runs from more questions about his views on Hobby Lobby and he jumps in his Delorian (sic) and rockets back to say...June 1982. Then what if Time Traveler Scott Brown runs into Centerfold Model Scott Brown before his infamous Cosmo photo shoot? As Marty McFly can attest, this could have disastrous consequences.

    We would strongly recommend that Time Traveler Brown use this opportunity to convince Center Model Brown to get this tattoo:

    Trust us, Centerfold Scott - we're from the future.

    We rate hiding spot: 10/10 (unless he destroys the universe, in which case we rate this 3/10)

    7. Any of these

    "Outhouses of New Hampshire"

    We rate this hiding spot: 3/10