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  • CIA Employee Mistakes Drone Operation For “Call Of Duty,” Kills Pakistani Family

    LANGLEY, Va. — Michael Hudson, a 5-year veteran of the CIA, has admitted to accidentally killing four Pakistani civilians with the drone he operates. Believing his computer was open to the popular video game “Call of Duty: Modern Warfare 3,” Hudson emptied his avatar’s arsenal into a desert battlefield. Only hours later did he realize that his computer was not displaying the game, but rather a live feed from outside Karachi, and that he had in fact sent an AGM-114 Hellfire missile into the rural, mud-brick home of Irfan Gabol, his wife, and his two young children. FOR MORE: www.

  • Complaining about Washington Dysfunction Now America’s Most Secure Job

    PITTSBURG, Penn. — An analysis of job security for citizens of America has found that “bitching and complaining” about Washington dysfunction is now the most stable profession in the country. The study, published in The Journal of Economic Perspectives, shows that while many jobs have become more insecure since 2008’s economic crisis—vulnerable to layoff via downsizing or obsolescence—professions centered on whining about the political gridlock and general incompetence of Congress and the Executive Branch are now “basically lifetime appointments.”

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