“The gentleman…I believe the gentleman has admitted to shooting the sheriff…but the President does believe it is his right to enter a plea of self-defense at trial.”
White House Daily Press Briefing
Jay Carney: Ok, we’ve got a lot of things today. The President’s new budget proposal, chained CPI, gun control legislation. Let’s start over here, Jessica Yellin.
Jessica Yellin, CNN: Jay, I’m sure you’re aware of Jay-Z and Beyonce’s recent trip to Cuba and the controversy surrounding that…
JY: Well, Jay-Z released a rap song today. Some of the lyrics: “You gettin’ too much bread, they try to jam you / Boy from the hood but got White House clearance,” and a little later…uh…let’s see…”Obama said ‘chill, you gonna get me impeached’ / But you don’t need this shit anyway / Chill with me on the beach.” When did the White House OK Jay-Z’s Cuba trip and how often does the President communicate with Jay-Z?
JC: It’s Treasury that handles authorizing travel to Cuba and it’s my understanding that the group they traveled with was OK’d. (chuckles) The President does not communicate with Jay-Z.
JY: But, Jay-Z mentions here references a conversation with the President pertaining to Cuba….
JC: That’s a song; those are song lyrics. That’s a metaphor. Next, ummm, Ed Henry.
Ed Henry, FOX News: Jay, I’d like to draw your attention to a song by Johnny Cash where he…uh…here it is…where he admits to shooting a man. In Reno. Has Justice moved on this case at all, and if not why is the AG [attorney general] dragging his feet on this?
JC: Again these are song lyrics…and anyway I believe this song was released some years ago. I don’t even think the President was alive…
EH: The statute of limitations on murder never runs out…
JC: I’ve stated our position. Next…Jake Tapper.
Jake Tapper, CNN: Jay, Bob Marley admits to, not only the murder of a law enforcement officer, but seems to intimate that he has knowledge of the murder of a second. He also mentions marijuana trafficking as the probable motive for the murder of the second man…uh…a Sheriff, John Brown…any chance this is Aryan Brotherhood…
JC: Ok, let’s move on… David Brody.
David Brody, CBN: Jay, Eric Clapton recently said “if you wanna get out you need to take her out, cocaine.” Seems like a clear issue for the DEA, no? Or has the White House put drug issues on the back burner?
JC: (sigh)…You know, I don’t…for one Eric Clapton didn’t even write that song. Next, let’s see..non-music questions, OK? Rob Reynolds.
Rob Reynolds, Al-Jazeera: Jay, Steve Miller has stated emphatically his intent to “fly like an eagle into the future.” Who regulates time-travel technology, FAA? Does the Pentagon have this technology and wouldn’t altering the time-stream be a national security concern? I’m a little fuzzy on the time-stream thing, but my son recently watched Looper and he assures me…
JC: Next. Chuck Todd.
Chuck Todd, NBC: Jay, by his own admission, Sammy Hagar refuses to comply with federally mandated highway speed limits…
JC: That’s it, we’re done.
- Trump has named H.R. McMaster as his new National Security Adviser, replacing Michael Flynn, who resigned last week.
- Milo Yiannopoulos's book has been canceled after he was accused of defending pedophilia.
- Russian ambassador to the UN Vitaly Churkin has died after suffering from cardiac arrest this morning, a day before his 65th birthday.
- A girl's best friend showed up to her date in a fake mustache to spy on her and it is the definition of friendship goals 😎