26. Courtney played by Kristen Wiig
She may have dance moves for days, but she's totally off mack limits because she's at Camp Tigerclaw and therefore a sworn enemy.
25. Gene played by Christopher Meloni
Sure, he'd be a fun macking partner, but he talks to vegetables and has a thing for fridges. Steer clear.
24. J.J. played by Zak Orth
Yeah, he's a cool guy, but he's a total brownnoser and probably wouldn't want to break the rules anyway. D.N.M.: Do Not Mack.
23. Greg played by Jason Schwartzman
He's got a super-dreamy smile, but there's something a little off about a guy who overtly insists "what a good dude" he is.
22. Neil played by Joe Lo Truglio
He's goofy, sweet, and maybe the nicest guy at camp, but with so many eligible bad boys on this list, we just couldn't rank him higher.
21. Victor Kulak played by Ken Marino
This guy is such a sure thing, but it's almost too easy. Sorry, Victor — you look hungry, you go hungry.
20. Gerald "Coop" Cooperberg played by Michael Showalter
He's a total romantic, and he's a great guy, but, ugh, there are so many mouths to kiss, and he's just such a good friend, and you'd never want to jeopardize that.
19. Donna played by Lake Bell
She's so dreamy, but she's the kind of girl who wouldn't think twice about breaking your heart. Mack at your own risk.
18. Can of Vegetables played by H. Jon Benjamin
Sweet guy with amazing advice. Inevitable transformation into can of vegetables will render him mouthless...so mack while you can.
17. Ronald Reagan played by Michael Showalter
Sure, he's old, but he's a president. And — hello — bragging rights?
16. Jackie Brazen played by "Weird Al" Yankovic
Super-fly style and killer confidence. Mackalicious.
15. Yaron played by David Wain
Dark + mysterious + killer moves = one-way ticket to mack town.
14. McKinley played by Michael Ian Black
Totally sweet and mega talented. Mack attack.
13. Gail von Kleinenstein played by Molly Shannon
She's recently single and ready to MINGLE.
12. Eric played by Chris Pine
You'll want to climb up this mountain of man meat and conquer it with your mouth flag.
11. Falcon played by Jon Hamm
He's a man on a mission for your mouth.
10. Alan played by Jordan Peele
Eyes that could melt your heart, lips that will melt your mouth...or something. Mack it.
9. Claude Dumet played by John Slattery
Two words: silver. Fox.
8. Ben played by Bradley Cooper
He's a sharp dresser, talented singer, and has confidence for days, but rumor around camp is that he's totally got the hots for a fellow counselor.
7. Blake played by Josh Charles
Blake's super popular but such a jerk. He's totally the kind of guy you wanna hate-mack and then deny it to all your friends.
6. Henry Newman played by David Hyde Pierce
Super sweet, super smart... Lips, prepare yourselves.
5. Beth played by Janeane Garofalo
Takes care of business but still knows how to have fun. Macktastic.
4. Lindsay played by Elizabeth Banks
She's not very nice, but you're not making out with her personality, so don't worry about it.
3. Susie played by Amy Poehler
She's super confident and gets what she wants. Agro mack session must.
2. Katie played by Marguerite Moreau
Totally gorgeous and definitely the kind of girl you want to marry. Top-five makeout dream girl for sure.
1. Andy played by Paul Rudd
OK, he's the epitome of teenage dirtbag, and he's not the *nicest* guy, but this isn't the "Definitive Ranking of People We'd Marry at Camp Firewood" — this is a makeout list, so what did you expect?
All images provided by Netflix.
Not sure who to mack first? Spend your Labor Day weekend with Wet Hot American Summer: First Day Of Camp now streaming on Netflix.
