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Paid PostMay 16, 2018

If You Are Not A Morning Person, You Have Definitely Had All 59 Of These Thoughts

Morning has broken, and with it, so have I.

1. “I'm going to get an early night tonight, so I can actually wake up on time tomorrow morning."

2. "I say this every night, but tonight is actually the night I follow through."

3. “How is it 1:30am already? I swear I only watched two funny dog videos?!"

4. "Okay, so they were 45 minutes long each, but whatever."

5. “Oh god, I'm so snuggly and warm in my bed. I hope this never ends."

6. "Bed is my church, and I kneel at the altar."

7. “Eurrrrrgh."

8. "I need to change my alarm to something that isn't so jarring."

9. "Have I even slept yet?"

10. "I swear I only just turned my light off."

11. “I'll just have five more minutes..."

12. "The snooze button was invented for a reason."

13. “I promised myself I'd go to the gym this morning, but I just don't want to."

14. "I haven't used my gym membership in two years, so why start now?"

15. "How is it half an hour later?! I'll just snooze one more time."

16. "I had a very tiring day yesterday, where I did very little exercise and barely any work, but it was incredibly taxing doing almost nothing at all."

17. "Okay, now it is actually time to get up, but how is it still so dark outside?"

18. "Is this an effect of global warming?"

19. "Why are the birds so chirpy today?"

20. "Nature is beautiful and all, but sometimes I wish they'd just shut up."

21. "Okay, okay, if I just get out of bed quickly, it will be less painful."

22. "Nope, literally jumping out of bed doesn't just emotionally hurt but also is physically bad."

23. "I wish my awake life was as cool as my dream life."

24. "Last night I was a roller-skating astronaut, and today I'm just little old me again. I should buy some roller skates."

25. "I wonder what it is like to be one of those people who actually enjoys mornings."

26. "I blame my laziness on my parents."

27. “Does anyone ever actually want to get out of bed or are we all just kidding ourselves?"

28. "Everyone who calls themselves a morning person is a liar."

29. "Why am I so damn tired still? I JUST woke up."

30. "My eyes are literally trying to close on their own."

31. "Ahh, the shower, where I wash off the weariness of yesterday."

32. "Did I just fall asleep for a second?"

33. "Better check my work cal– EURGH! Karen has organised another 9am meeting."

34. "I'm already late for it, so should I just take my time?"

35. "If I wear the same clothes I wore yesterday, will anyone actually notice?"

36. "The sniff test says yes."

37. "I think I'll just lie down for another five minutes..."

38. "When I say five minutes, I mean at least fifteen."

39. "Why do I even have a job anyway?"

40. "Bar being destitute without it, I don't really need my job. Maybe I'll move to Bermuda and open a beach shack café."

41. "I would happily work to 7pm if I could start at 11am…"

42. "Or, you know, I'd start at 1pm and finish at 3pm if possible. Maybe I should go part-time?"

43. "Okay, time to say goodbye to my bed this time for real."

44. "I'll miss you more than you will ever know, xoxox.”

45. "Who are these people who give themselves enough time to actually make a proper breakfast before they leave the house?!"

46. "I just forgot my keys for the third time this week, didn't I?"

47. "Maybe if I set my alarm a bit earlier, I wouldn't end up rushing so much, but that would also mean less sleep...”

48. "When will someone invent teleportation?"

49. "I should spend my morning commute reading or doing something productive, but I'm going to spend it scrolling on my phone instead."

50. "Karen has just seen me walk in late, but I'm still going to take my time making this coffee..."

51. "Yes, our contracts say we start at 9am, but everyone knowwws that really means 9:30am at the very earliest."

52. "Why is everyone smiling in this meeting?"

53. "Okay, I'll try to smile. Is this smile convincing? Is this how I normally smile? I feel like I look like I'm trying too hard."

54. "I'm barely two sips into my coffee, and Judy is already trying to talk to me about what a disaster her hen do was."

55. "I really do not care, Judy."

56. "Oh, here we go with Jonathan's daily boast about how far he runs in the mornings."

57. "No one ever congratulates me on how late I slept in."

58. "Surely it is almost lunchtime by now..."

59. "9:51am. Damn."

Are you a Morning Rusher or a Pre-Noon Grouch? Find out with NESCAFÉ Original's quiz here.

#OwnTheMorning every morning with NESCAFÉ Original.

Illustrations © Eliot Wyatt for BuzzFeed

Additional imagery from iStock / Getty Images