1. You start to experience the mythical two-day hangovers.
2. Dark circles under your eyes.
3. You find an increasing number of rogue nipple hairs.
4. Your flow becomes crazy heavy.
5. You discover plenty of grey hairs.
6. As well as sprouting random chin hair.
Show me a woman who hasn’t tried to brush an eyelash from her neck, only to realise that it’s sprouting from her jaw and, well, I’ll show you a lucky woman.
7. And getting random fungal nail infections.
8. Your knees become creaky and weak.
9. Your teeth start to take on the shade of popcorn.
10. The whites of your eyes become less white.
11. You start to notice creases in your actual neck.
12. Not to mention a new collection of both spots and wrinkles.
13. Which causes you to start paying more attention to moisturisers.
14. Your heels turn to parmesan cheese, apparently.
15. You start to, erm, fill out a bit.
16. And your buns slowly begin to deflate.
17. You find GREY PUBES.
I know. It’s a thing. It’s just a thing that nobody seems to want to talk about. Apart from maybe badgers, skunks and Morticia Adams.