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    Posted on Dec 12, 2014

    21 Things That Happen To Your Body As You Turn 30

    It’s all dinner parties, nice bedding and better books. Until the hangovers and neck hairs start to kick in.

    1. You start to experience the mythical two-day hangovers.

    2. Dark circles under your eyes.

    3. You find an increasing number of rogue nipple hairs.

    4. Your flow becomes crazy heavy.

    United Artists / womenshealthmag.com

    Oh hi! Did somebody order six litres of uncooked beetroot juice? Because it seems to have been delivered to my knickers.

    5. You discover plenty of grey hairs.

    6. As well as sprouting random chin hair.

    Show me a woman who hasn’t tried to brush an eyelash from her neck, only to realise that it’s sprouting from her jaw and, well, I’ll show you a lucky woman.

    7. And getting random fungal nail infections.

    8. Your knees become creaky and weak.

    9. Your teeth start to take on the shade of popcorn.

    Flickr: 14028464@N04

    So, it turns out, tea, coffee, red wine, red meat, cigarettes, sushi and everything else that’s glorious in this world does actually turn your teeth the colour of sand. Still, it was totally worth it. Wasn’t it. Wasn’t it?

    10. The whites of your eyes become less white.

    Flickr: stopherjones

    Yeah, that thing nicotine used to do to pub ceilings and your grandad’s fingers? It happens to your eyes, too.

    11. You start to notice creases in your actual neck.

    12. Not to mention a new collection of both spots and wrinkles.

    Flickr: benandjenn / Creative Commons

    Yeah! I know! You think you’d get to choose. But oh no. When all the casual sex, second hand records, late night parties and "experimental" make-up fades from view, acne may well be the last vestige of your adolescence still hanging around.

    13. Which causes you to start paying more attention to moisturisers.

    14. Your heels turn to parmesan cheese, apparently.

    Flickr: somecanuckchick

    Anyone else appear to be growing hooves?

    15. You start to, erm, fill out a bit.

    Flickr: golf_pictures

    Once that early-twenties metabolism hits the deck, don’t be surprised to see your meals take fleshy form around your body.

    16. And your buns slowly begin to deflate.

    NBC / Giphy

    Ah, the mum bum. We’ve been expecting you. Just maybe not quite so soon. Still, at least we can squeeze through narrower gaps now.

    17. You find GREY PUBES.

    I know. It’s a thing. It’s just a thing that nobody seems to want to talk about. Apart from maybe badgers, skunks and Morticia Adams.

    18. And develop THIGH BEARDS.

    Flickr: 30627179@N07 / Creative Commons

    Seriously. Like that little patch on the back of your thigh, above your knee but below your bum? You don’t notice it for decades on end then suddenly, blammo! It’s like a woodland creature is hiding back there.

    19. Pelvic floor exercises become standard practice.

    Flickr: laurie_pink / Creative Commons

    Apparently doing these can help with various things. You can even do them at your desk – and no, dancing or holding on when you really need a wee doesn't count.

    20. Your lovely lady lumps may become even lumpier.

    Flickr: diethylstilbestrol

    Sometimes your breasts feeling lumpier is a perfectly harmless change in hormones or breast tissue, due to your period or a benign condition such as fibroadenoma. However, you should absolutely be checking your breasts regularly and if there’s anything you’re worried about don’t hesitate to get them checked by the doctor.

    21. You have better sex!

    Giphy / Claudie Ossard Productions

    There is no substitute for experience. Or being better at choosing. Or having your own flat. Or actually being able to afford the heating bill. Or nice bedding. Or better body confidence. Or having a better understanding of who you are, what you want and how to get it. Hell, maybe being 30 is going to be fine after all.

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