12 NSFW Advent Calendars Because You Can't Gift Wrap Yourself

You definitely won't need mistletoe around the house if you get one of these naughty advent calendars this year....🤪

1. An activity-based advent calendar for couples that offers three options for each day that range from romantically tame to naughty AF for a daily treat during the countdown to Christmas that's even sweeter than chocolate.

Amazon

Promising review: "We just got this and have only opened the first two days so far. Day one was a success! I love that it gives three choices. My husband is loving the attention and one-on-one time... He said, “Do we have to choose one, or can we do all three options?!” It’s the perfect thing to help us have some quality time together through the crazy busy holiday season. I would recommend it to my friends." —Amy Berrett

Get it from Amazon for $13.99.

2. A unique jar Advent calendar that's jam-packed with kinky and X-rated activities for you and your O.H. to explore.

The Jam Packed Jars / Etsy

This adorable and affordable jar is filled with 25 slips of paper with different kinky and seductive activities for couples to engage in and come closer together over the holidays.

Promising review: "Fabulous little jar! Can't wait to open it at Christmas and see all the wonderful things my husband is going to hate doing. 😂😂 Bring on the Christmas Joy 😊 xx." —Jade

Get it from The Jam Packed Jars on Etsy for $7.73+ (available as standard or with personalized tag).

The Jam Packed Jars is a woman-owned, UK-based small business that creates jars filled with activities, creative suggestions, and ideas for people looking for a little inspiration.

This kinky advent calendar will probably go really well with some top-rated BDSM accessories...😏

3. An Advent calendar specifically created for penis-owners and bursting with a delectable assortment of strokers, rings, and plugs, so you or your O.H. can celebrate the holidays to the ~fullest~...

Lovehoney

Get it for yourself or your penis-packing partner and explore a little with these 12 days of gifts, including cock rings, strokers, and anal plugs. And a vibrating bullet is included to help bring some of these toys to life!

Promising reviews: "It’s a great beginner set. Just be aware that the main toy in the set, Blowmotion vibrating dual-entrance male masturbator, is not a universal fit. The openings are on the smaller side. If your penis’s diameter is larger than average, you might find it uncomfortable. Customer service is great to deal with." —Anonymous

"My boyfriend and I couldn’t wait and opened it all at once. We have had so much fun this past week." —Anonymous

Get it from Lovehoney for $120.

If you think an Advent calendar might be a little much, here's a round-up of top-rated strokers and sleeves to satisfy your penis-packing partner (or yourself).

4. An Advent calendar for vulva owners that's filled with 12 days of pleasurable goodies to make sure you or your S.O. is coming *at* home for Christmas.

Lovehoney

This calendar is PACKED with power, but the star of the show is the Starlet suction vibrator that'll change your life if you've never experimented with suction before. Along with that itty-bitty vibe are several plugs, a gently curved dildo, and a lot of accessories to help you build the anticipation of each day.

Promising review: "Every single thing has been thoroughly thought through with this calendar, from the sexy surprises each day to the lack of Christmas theme. Without spoiling each delicious surprise, I will tell you that the great variety of toys in the calendar are made of soft, high-quality silicone. The toys are suitable for both beginners and experienced players alike, and there really is something for everyone in this box, along with a few extras to spice things up. I am very impressed with how each of the toys feel in use, and I adore that there are attachments included for the toys in the box to add to the amazing sensations. An amazing calendar full of goodies and great value for money!" —Kinkypup

Get it from Lovehoney for $120.

5. A scratch-off Advent calendar, so everyday you can reveal a new naughty or nice activity to do with you S.O. If you want to up the ante, it's completely customizable, so you can pick and choose how X-rated you want to be for the holidays.

The Laughing Sloth Wild / Etsy

This simple Advent calendar can also be purchased blank, so you can add in your own naughty (or nice) suggestions (they provide you with the scratch-off stickers to add when you're done), or you can customize the name and text at the top for a truly personal treat.

Scratch-off blowjobs is right up my alley...*adds to cart*

Promising reviews: "My partner loved this. I filled in the calendar myself and used the scratch stickers, which work really well. It was our first Christmas together so maybe it's a tradition now! 🙈😊" —Marianne

"Wonderful! This calendar was a huge hit! It's so fun and beautiful, and the name on top is a great touch. Highly recommend." —kathrynannesmith

Get it from The Laughing Sloth on Etsy for $11.88+ (available in seven styles).

The Laughing Sloth is a woman-owned, UK-based small business that specializes in alternative greeting cards, novelty scratch-offs, and personalized gift tags.

6. An Advent calendar inspired by Fifty Shades of Grey with 10 days of sensual pleasure toys and bondage accessories, so you and your O.H. can spice up more than just the eggnog.

Amazon

This 10-day Advent calendar includes all the things you need to get your Fifty Shades on (except the books or films), including satin restraints, nipple clamps, a blindfold, and a couple of vibrating and insertable toys for even more fun.

Get it from Amazon for $74.64.

7. A simple postcard Advent calendar that's ready-to-send to your lover, so they can celebrate the 25 days of Christmas with 25 positions straight outta the Kama Sutra.

Nastami Design / Etsy

The envelope and scratch off stickers aren't included, but you can find stickers to cover up each naughty position here — in gold, silver, star-shaped, and heart-shaped!

Promising reviews: "Map was as shown. I thought the scratch stickers were there. So remember, scratch stickers are not included ;)." —Anne Beyen

"Beautiful size and well done to discover something new every day. The dots for scraping off are extra for sticking on. :)" —Melea

Get it from Nastami Design on Etsy for $1.02.

8. An Advent calendar for couples looking to celebrate the holidays in a more memorable way this year with 24 days of pleasurable surprises to keep your "yule log" lit.

Lovehoney

And by "yule log"...I mean libido. Couples will love to explore this kit over 24 days (if you make it that far) that features various anal plugs, cock rings, a suction vibrator, a bullet vibrator, and BDSM accessories, so you can tease and please your way to the big finale.

Promising reviews: "My boyfriend and I sat together and opened up all the boxes because we couldn't wait, and just opening it got the moods flowing. Everything in there is excellent quality, and the box serves as a nice storage as well. And the black and gold pattern for the paddle and blindfold is just gorgeous!" —Rachael

"Absolutely wonderful! This is such a unique concept, and I am so happy!!! It’s such an enjoyable experience opening each one. I don’t get to be with my partner every day, so I open a few at a time. We just used the stroker together, and he absolutely loved it." —Anonymous

"I bought this for myself and my partner; we were far too impatient and opened everything in one night! A brilliant deal and have been able to try toys we might not have considered to buy separately. Well worth it, and we are both very happy with the purchase!" —Anonymous

Get it from Lovehoney for $195.

Looking to get in touch with your OH even more? Check out this round-up of sex furniture and a bunch of tips and tricks to blow your partner's mind.

9. An instant-download naughty Advent calendar for all my last-minute holiday shoppers who are thinking, "TBH, what's a better gift than having sex with me?"

Love to Partay / Etsy

Print out this PDF and get busy with your partner — it can literally be posted on the fridge, so you never lose track of the days. Or, if you're feeling fancy, you can frame it! What's going on for day 15? Asking for a friend of mine, of course.

Get it from Love to Partay on Etsy for $4.50.

Love To Partay is a Black- and woman-owned business that creates printable party games for adult parties and holiday celebrations.

10. A lingerie Advent calendar with seven days of accessories to build a matching and seductive set for your next erotic evening, whether alone or with an S.O.

Lovehoney

If you want to keep it more sexy and less erotic, this set features six pieces of lingerie that belong to two sets, so you can mix and match. Not to mention, there's a vanilla-scented candle to help you set the mood.

Promising review: "Beautiful quality and so soft. There’s no way I was waiting to open these. They went straight on, and they’re amazing. Great sizing and a must buy. The colors are gorgeous." —Natalie

Get it from Lovehoney for $60 (available in three size options: 4–12, 14–20, and 20–24). 

And here are some BDSM chokers and collars if you want to get a little kinky.

11. An adventurous advent calendar designed for couples who want to take things up a notch during the holidays this year by adding a NSFW surprise to their day that gets a little more risqué the closer you get to Christmas.

Amazon

Promising reviews: "Really really fun! So happy I bought this for my boyfriend and I. Kinky, intimate, and fun! Can’t wait to make a naked dessert together! ;) Will re-use it next year too. It gives you three options to choose from in case 'backdoor stimulation' isn’t your thing lol." —Nicole

"This is so cute and fun. I love the original idea. It's really the only thing out there like it I have seen. My husband and I have been having fun picking out our daily countdown activity! Fun way to stay close and connected through the busiest time of year." —Chelise M.

Get it from Amazon for $13.99.

12. And finally, an erotic Advent calendar that absolutely won't fit underneath your tree thanks to its 4-foot-tall standalone design and 25 days' worth of sex toys and more.

Mega Pleasure

If you buy this, hug it for me, because it's literally almost my height. But more importantly, we won't spoil any surprises but expect a Lelo Sona Cruise, a glitter butt plug set, some BDSM gear and even a sex swing. There's no limit to the fun with this one.

Get it from Mega Pleasure for about $1,147.16 (plus about $14.92 for delivery outside of the UK and Europe).

OK, so I know what I'm doing for the holidays besides baking cookies...

NBC

The reviews for this post have been edited for length and clarity.

Facebook thumb credit: Netflix

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Hartley Mellik / BuzzFeed