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10 Slightly Psychotic Ways To Tell If They're The One

Because Love Is Technically A Crazy Act In Itself, No?

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1. Check Their Credit


Contrary to popular belief, you need credit for more than just borrowing. If you plan on spending the rest of your life with someone, you have to know if you'll need to pay a deposit on utilities or if anyone will even rent out an apartment to you. Credit will be a deciding factor. Both of you need to be aware of your credit status.

If their credit is bad, that doesn't mean that you can't be together, it just means you have to set a plan to build it to where it needs to be and adjust your future accordingly.

2. Ask About Their History With The Law


...and then verify online.

Not behind their back, that breaks the trust circle, do it with them by your side.

We are searching for everything from a ticket to felony. Nothing that you find should surprise you. In fact, make it a game. Say, "ooooooo, babe, I found this website where we can see people's court history." Make yourself a little dirty with, "look, even my parking ticket from '04 is on here." Then smile and say, "I'm going to look you up next. Do you have anything you need to tell me?" Ask jokingly and with a smile on your face, but trust me, you are 100% serious. Last chance. If their driving record is atrocious, plan to spend more once you combine your vehicle insurance together. If they have a felony record, be aware that it could be difficult to for them to land certain jobs, especially if you live in a smaller city. There are resources available to help.

4. Read The Comments In Their Yearbook


This might seem a little extreme, but you have to know the past to help predict the future. Combine this with Facebook. Search every commentor and see if they are just as attractive as they were in high school. If so, use the password that was entrusted to you in step three, and block them from your partner's Facebook. When you're asked about it... act like you know nothing.

5. Change Your Social Media Passwords


When asked about it, respond with, "I thought that was a one time thing, didn't you change yours?" If their response is 'yes' then in the words of Obama, 'pop off.' If the response is "no" then ask why they need it again anyways. They might have jealous tendencies. Do you really need that in your life? Plus, why are they snooping 20 minutes later? You've already read the yearbook, blocked the cuties, and changed your passwords in 10 minutes flat.

6. Research Their Cleaning Habits


Everywhere! Car, trunk, home, room, and closets. This is VERY important unless you want to spend the rest of your life scrambling to clean the entire apartment right before you have people over. If the car is clean, but the trunk is disgusting, the house is clean, but the closets are messy, or the sink is empty, but there are dishes in the dishwasher... you have a cover up specialist on your hands. So go ahead and budget for a maid service, or spend the rest of your life running around "cleaning" at the last second.

7. Show Up At Their Job Unexpectedly For A Casual "Meet And Slay"

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You have three objectives. First; learn about your partner's character. If they're an amazing leader/coworker, most of team will be excited to meet you. This is a great! It means that you are discussed often and in a positive manner. Second; be wary of the employee/coworker that is too interested. More than likely, that's the one who is sizing you up and gathering evidence to break up your relationship. Make sure you show up looking amazing. Just to prove that their efforts are in vain. Third; create allies... you know, just in case.

8. Make Up An Infidelity


Wake your partner up in the middle of the night, grab their phone, a piece of paper, new underwear they haven't seen, anything to pretend you have evidence and yell, "Who the f is Kelly?!"

Now I'm sure you're thinking, "Who is Kelly?" Truth is; we don't know, you don't know, they better not know. What matters is the response that you receive.

Not The One will respond with, "Why are you going through my phone?!"

The One will say, "Stop it, you play too much."

Marry Them YESTERDAY will tell you, "My number two, but you know you'll always be my number one! Plus, she pays our rent." <--That right there is called team work.

9. Help Them Clean Their Childhood Bedroom

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This will only work if this is the room that they lived in during high school and if they didn't graduate before 2008 (before Facebook welcomed everyone). We are searching for old love letters, MASH forms, and fortune tellers. High school class of 2009 and beyond knows nothing of these treasures. If you find these items proceed to utilize social media passwords, again, and remove all names listed. Now I know that MASH and the fortune teller might have people listed on there who are "non-factors," but better to be safe than sorry.

10. Admit To Your Other Half Everything That You've Done


Secrets keep you out of the circle of trust, plus, they need to know. How can they be dishonest when they know that you verify using all of your resources. This knowledge will keep them in check... That and their love for you, of course. If they are okay with your crazy, then they're the one!

Do you have a friend who is unsure? Share and see if their partner will pass the test.

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