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15 Very Real Struggles Of Working Out In Melbourne As A Gay Man

When all else fails, do a burpee and listen to Beyonce.

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1. When you fail to get the attention of that hot guy running along The Tan.

E!

"I see you. Why do you not see me?"

2. When you have to schedule extra hours training at your local gym to get hot enough to join Virgin Active Bourke Street.

Twentieth Century Fox Television

“str8 acting, discreet, masc only pls."

3. And when you miss a Body Attack class and feel unfit for a night at Poof Doof.

Live Nation / Interscope

That Les Mills sure knows all the right muscles to work.

4. When the hot straight PT catches you staring at his "glutes".

Walt Disney
Walt Disney

You're always making such an ass of yourself.

5. When you find out Richard Branson has opened a multi-million dollar gym on Collins Street - after you've just joined Fitness First.

It just hurts so much that you can't put "Virgin Active" in your Grindr bio tbh.
Bravo TV

It just hurts so much that you can't put "Virgin Active" in your Grindr bio tbh.

6. When you run into your last one night stand at Chapel Street Genesis.

"You're not supposed to go here - you were North of the Yarra."
FOX / Via Instagram: @humor_me_pink

"You're not supposed to go here - you were North of the Yarra."

7. When you go to the Melbourne Baths and try your best not to be cruised.

The sauna is a no-go zone, for starters.
ABC

The sauna is a no-go zone, for starters.

8. When all your fave aussieBums are in the wash, and you still have to face the changing rooms in another brand of undies.

Harpo Studios

The shame is palpable.

9. And every single time Melbourne's four-seasons-in-a-day weather kills your Tan running plans.

Columbia Pictures

"How am I supposed to find that hottie from Tuesday now?!"

10. When nobody believes that you're actually going to the gym, when you're on Swanston Street in activewear.

You can't help it that your outfit is always on point.
Kylie Jenner / Via instagram.com

You can't help it that your outfit is always on point.

11. When you read your Grindr notifications at Fitness First Vic Gardens.

Bravo TV / Via giphy.com

Fitness Thirst more like it.

12. And when you realise you're the only one NOT cruising in the Virgin Active Bourke Street change room.

Warner Brothers

Nip slips. Nip slips everwhere.

13. And that moment you first learn that "gay" is actually a relative term in the MSAC locker rooms.

Bravo TV

"Did anyone say "sac(k)"?"

14. When you just can't help but stare at the rowing squads going down the Yarra.

Going down indeed.
Capitol Records

Going down indeed.

15. And you wish with all your heart that ~getting physical~ counted towards your fit-for-the-summer workout plan.

EMI

If only.