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    Meghan Markle Said That She "Didn’t Want To Be Alive Anymore" After The Media Harassment

    “Nothing was ever done.”

    Meghan Markle just opened up about what her mental health was like amidst being bombarded with negative — and often false — stories in the press.

    Chris Jackson / Getty Images

    "I just didn’t see a solution. I would sit up at night and I was just like I don’t understand how all this is being churned out," Meghan told Oprah, saying that her mother and friends would call her crying over what was written.

    CBS

    “It was all happening just because I was breathing.”

    “I was really ashamed to say it at the time, and ashamed to have to admit it to Harry, because I know how much loss he’s suffered — but I knew that if I didn’t say it, that I would do it," she continued. "I just didn’t want to be alive anymore and that was a very clear and real and frightening constant thought.”

    Harry and Meghan waving as they drive away on their wedding day
    Wpa Pool / Getty Images

    “I remember how he just cradled me."

    Meghan says that she went to senior members of "the Institution" and asked for help, but was told she couldn't go to seek inpatient services as it wouldn't be “good for the institution.”

    CBS

    Meghan says that she even went to HR, but was told, "My heart goes out to you because I see how bad it is, but there’s nothing we can do to protect you because you’re not a paid employee of the Institution.”

    Harry and Meghan holding hands and smiling as they are surrounded by people during an event
    Chris Jackson / Getty Images

    “Nothing was ever done.”

    Meghan says that she was trapped without her passport and driver's license, and couldn't leave. She reached out to one of Princess Diana's friends as she thought she might understand.

    Wpa Pool / Getty Images

    She said that the suicidal ideation got so bad she thought, "I thought it would have solved everything for everyone."

    Meghan also went into detail over one photograph taken at the Royal Albert Hall in 2019 — shortly after she told Harry about her suicidal ideation "isn’t some abstract ideal, this is methodical."

    Harry and Meghan, who's wear a sequined gown, holding hands as they walk through the event
    Wpa Pool / Getty Images

    Although Harry suggested Meghan not attend, she replied, “I can’t be left alone.” In the image, Harry's hands are gripped around Meghan's as, “We are both just trying to hold on.”

    Wpa Pool / Getty Images

    She says she would cry every time the lights went off that night.

    Sending all the love and light to Meghan.

    The National Suicide Prevention Lifeline is 1-800-273-8255. Other international suicide helplines can be found at befrienders.org. The Trevor Project, which provides help and suicide-prevention resources for LGBTQ youth, is 1-866-488-7386. You can also text TALK to 741741 for free, anonymous 24/7 crisis support in the US and UK from the Crisis Text Line.

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