While every breakup is different, some people find that one moment can really bring things into perspective. So, we asked the BuzzFeed Community about the moment they realized that their marriages were over.
Here are just some of the responses we received:
Content warning: Some mentions of domestic abuse.
1. "When I saw the text messages between him and his 19-year-old coworker when I was six months pregnant. He left me a week before our second daughter was born..."
"...It was actually a blessing in disguise, I divorced him. I moved on and met someone who treated me way better than he ever did, got married, and we added another baby to our family. My new hubby calls us his premade family, so cute!"
2. "First major sign was when he admitted to not searching for a job the whole first six months of unemployment..."
"...Second and last straw was when I was repainting our new condo. He was playing computer games while hungover and I asked him politely to move his desk so I could paint behind. He moved it a fucking inch. Asked again and same thing happened. I could smell the ammonia on his breath and knew that was it. He was a damn fool, lazy, and an alcoholic. The laziness and no ambition got me the most."
3. "We were at my older brother's wedding. I saw the way my siblings looked at their significant others and the way they looked at my siblings, and knew it was over. We just didn't look at each other the same way anymore."
4. "It wasn’t when I got a message on Facebook from his other woman — or even all of those moments when he hit me. It was when I sliced my thumb open and he refused to come home during his lunch break because he was down the street at his buddy’s house..."
"...My best friend’s husband walked to my house in the rain and helped me bandage my thumb up and clean the blood off the floor."
5. "I knew it was over when he told me while trying to have sex with me — after I worked a 12-hour shift and he stayed home doing nothing — that if I lost weight I could look like his FAVORITE PORNSTAR. Yep."
6. "I knew it was over when I found out he had been sleeping with 30 people on and off throughout our entire eight-year relationship. Some of them were apparently regular occurrences."
7. "He insisted that a freshly cooked dinner be on the table for him and our three kids no later than 6 every night, despite: 1. I didn’t get off work until 4.30 p.m., and 2. I was the only one who could pick up the kids after work since he purposely cut the seatbelts out of his car so he couldn’t pick them up..."
"...One evening, rushing to handle everything, I impaled my hand with a butcher knife. I cussed loudly and blood was everywhere. My ex’s response was, 'Wow. Okay, I guess dinner's going to be late tonight.' 60 days after my hand was splayed open, I was divorced from him."
8. "I had been on vacation with my ex. As soon as we got on the plane for the six-hour flight home, he told me tearfully that he had made out with a woman at the resort we had just left. I felt nothing — no anger, no sadness, nothing. At the time, I thought it was shock. In retrospect, I realized I felt nothing because I wasn’t there anymore."
9. "Former military spouse. He was in a different state for training and my boss offered a paid 10-day vacation for me to visit him for our fifth anniversary. When I texted him, his response was, 'What am I supposed to do with you for 10 days?...'"
"...We got into an argument and he said, 'You make me want to kill myself.' My response was 'I'm done.' He thought I meant the conversation — I meant I was done with the fucking marriage."
10. "My ex and I were trying to make things work, and he left flowers in my car. Objectively, it was so sweet. But my heart and gut were crushed because my first thought was that I wish he hadn’t done that. I was already done. That was the beginning of the end."
11. "I hadn’t been in love with him for years, but had resigned myself to a life with him. One night, I asked him to play a YouTube video on the big TV while his movie was on commercial, and he flat-out refused. No reasoning at all..."
"...Somehow that simple action made me realize for the first time that I couldn’t stay in a marriage with someone who doesn’t respect me enough to do something so quick, easy, and just something that would make me happy."
12. "Twenty-year marriage — I found out while he was in surgery that he was talking to women on Facebook, telling them he was separated and sending them money (money I was transferring him to pay bills). I went to counseling on my own and my therapist asked, 'What do you want to do?' My answer was, 'To be happy.' That was the moment I knew the marriage was over."
13. "My dad had just had surgery and I wanted to fly back home to visit, but my hubby said, 'We can't afford it.' I come home from work one evening to find he and his dad were putting in an underground sprinkler system."
14. "I was one day out of the hospital with my newborn via C-section, and my husband confessed that he cheated on me multiple times during our six years together. The other woman was pregnant with twins."
15. "I had food poisoning and had just spent the past half an hour vomiting in the bathroom. I was finally able to lie down on the bed and I rolled over to ask him if he could get me a ginger ale — I found him browsing booty and porn accounts on Instagram..."
"...I didn't say anything, I just got up, got dressed, and left. I have not looked back. There were so many reasons I should have left before that, but that one is the thing that just tipped it all for me."
16. "When he threatened to hit my dog. My dog (a 5-month-old puppy back then!) barked at him when he threatened to hit me."
—kaa
17. "When I started wearing headphones to bed. At first I told myself it was white noise so I could fall asleep, but I eventually realized it was to avoid talking to her — since any conversation was 100% going to turn into a fight."
18. "I knew I no longer loved my ex when my grandfather, who I was very close with, died. I was having a hard time processing his death and went to my ex crying once because I was sad. He looked at me, sighed, and in an angry tone said, 'What’s wrong with you? Why are you crying?' I told him and and he just said, 'Well, I don’t know how to help you...'"
"...It still took another three months before we ended it because my self-worth was so damaged in that relationship. I thought it was better to stay with him and miserable than to be alone."
19. And "When he didn't get me anything for my birthday, not even a card. Then he went away with friends a few days later and didn't tell me what city he was going to — and didn't contact me the entire time he was gone. This was before cellphones so I had no way to reach him. He laughed when I cried about it."
Did you have a moment when you realized your marriage was over? LMK in the comments!
Note: Some responses have been edited for length and/or clarity.