15 Old Inventions That I Am Glad I Have Never Had To Use

This is the opposite of steampunk, I think.

1. Scrolls

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So cumbersome. How do you fit it in your bag? You need a lot of space to unfurl it, too. So glad we just have good ol’ laminated paper for our important paper needs now.

2. Monocles

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Why do you want just one eye to be able to see?

3. The tiny little glasses that sit on the tip of your nose

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Nothing says “bourgeoisie” more than glasses that force you to look down on someone whilst sticking your nose up in the air.

4. Gramophones

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Look, I get that vinyl provides a really good warm sound you can’t get with digital files or whatever, but I always imagine dropping a tangerine in a gramophone and never being able to get it out or use the damn thing again, and just having the smell of a slowly decomposing tangerine constantly lingering.

5. Horse-drawn carriages

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I feel like the horses don’t enjoy it and I doubt they’re fairly compensated for their labour.

6. Candles as a light source

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Fire hazard and probably don’t even smell nice.

7. Fish-oil lamps

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Fire hazard and definitely don’t smell nice.

8. Quills

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Guaranteed way to get ink everywhere tbh.

9. Typewriters

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I can already feel the searing rage of a lot of literary nerds because of this inclusion, but frankly if having to restart a whole thing because you accidentally typed “helo” instead of “hello” is fine by you, then you have a lot more time than me and I will hear no more of this.

10. Anvils

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These are probably still used now but much less often, which means they are far less likely to fall onto your head.

11. Abacuses

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I feel like this actually makes maths more complicated somehow.

12. Mangles

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I do not want to mangle anything, let alone risk the possibility of being mangled myself.

13. Butter churns

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I just don't think butter is good enough to justify all that work.

14. Sleeping caps

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How do they stay on your head while you’re sleeping?

15. The big ol' diving suits

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Perhaps I am getting the direction of causality wrong here, but I feel like as soon as anyone puts one of these one, the Loch Ness Monster immediately manifests in front of them.