1.
Why this monkey look like every girl I know studying abroad
2.
3.
tfw you wonder who the other person in the google doc is and it turns out you've got the article open in two tabs
4.
clare balding. just watched someone be gunned down on a pier.
5.
my favorite genre of photograph is “dogs who are about to send you on a mystical quest.”
6.
Ur weird if ur on holiday n u don't go up to ur hotel room and lay on the bed naked eatin Lays
7.
he whomsoever that canst draw the motorola from this carriageway shall be kinge of all post brexit englandde
8.
me: hi science student: I just don't see how you're going to get a job in that
9.
its weird to think people who are 5ft are only 5 subways long
10.
having +1 on guestlist for an event is baby level stuff. talk to me when you have a -1; the ability to specify one person &have them removed
11.
"SLOW DOWN, YOU OLD BITCH," I scream at the YouTube knitting tutorial lady.
12.
Uber driver: ........... Me: .......... Uber driver: .......... Me: 5 stars.
13.
My favorite character in Beauty and the Beast is this dresser waiting to fuck up a villager with a baseball bat.
14.
I've been letting a casserole dish soak since 2011.
15.
Mad when someone holds like 3 doors in a row for ya n you've gotta change up your way of thanking them each time. "Thanks, cheers, nice one"
16.
Me: I wonder what this soap can do. Dr. Bronner's label:
17.
Jeff Sessions looks like a child that got turned into an old man for stealing a pie from a witch's window sill.
18.
[carrot slice falls on the floor] Ah well I guess it's in the trash with you [potato chip falls on the floor] YOU THOUGHT YOU COULD ESCAPE.