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19 Reasons Why Festivals Are Shit

Why do we lie to ourselves every single year and think they'll be a good experience?

1. Festivals are basically camping, but instead of peaceful nature and scenic views, you get a drunk 19-year-old waking you up at 4am by pissing on your tent.

2. They're a double kind of dirty: They're full of actual dirt, but also the debris of several thousand drunk humans and far too few toilet facilities.

3. So if you wear contact lenses, hygiene is a consistent worry.

4. You will come in contact with bodily fluids that you never wished to come in contact with.

A naked guy has turned up at the campsite and took a shite in someone's tent #TITP2015

Some genius will throw a bottle of piss for some reason, and at least a few droplets of said piss will land on your person.

5. The weather will never be as good as you hope it'll be.

6. You'll somehow reach that incredible stage of being slightly too warm in some parts, too cold in others, and damp all over.

7. By the end of the weekend, you can smell the portaloos before you see them.

8. Even if you are in the nice bits and have paid premium, or got into the VIP area, the toilets still stink and it's still dirty.

9. The fashion is deeply predictable.

10. You will definitely see a pair of tits and/or a dick that you did not wish to see.

11. Most of your time there will actually be spent idly wandering from one end of the giant field to another.

12. You will probably miss at least one of the acts you wanted to see.

13. You will definitely meet an intolerable shit who tells you he's a shaman whilst wearing an outfit entirely made out of hemp.

14. The food is overpriced and you'll probably have to eat it on the floor.

15. You will probably be caught in a stampede and lose all your friends, and feel like you're a kid again and you can't find your mum at the supermarket.

when you lose all your homies at a festival 😂😂

16. You'll inevitably lose some sort of precious possession.

Just got a random flashback of losing my (flip)phone at Coachella 09, when I picked it up from lost and found they were reading all my texts

Maybe your keys, your favourite sunglasses, or your dignity. Either way, the festival season demands a sacrifice.

17. You will spend longer recovering from the festival than you actually spent at the festival.

18. Worst of all, it's probably the worst environment in which to listen to live music.

19. And you're actually expected to pay an extortionate amount of money for this experience.