22 Pictures That Prove Asos Is Conspiring To Turn Us All Into Cher
By selling us her entire wardrobe.
There is something a little odd happening at Asos.
So much of what it's selling has already been worn by Cher long before Asos came into our lives.
The most logical explanation is that someone high up in the company made an executive decision to do this.
It is far too coincidental to simply be fashion repeating itself.
Rather, this is a case of fashion repeating Cher.
Imagine the scene at Asos headquarters...
Sitting at a mahogany desk in a leather chair, the CEO of Asos sighed and said: "That's it. There is no more fashion. We have designed all the fashion and there is no fashion left."
“We may as well close up shop forever – unless any of you nerds have any ideas?” said the CEO, addressing the meeting cave full of fashion elves.
“How about Cher?” said a small voice from the back of the meeting cave, which was nestled atop a snow-covered mountain.
“Speak up, child,” said the wizened old CEO. "My robotic ears are not what they used to be."
Taking a big breath, the little fashion elf said, more loudly this time, “How about we replicate every one of Cher’s vast array of fabulous outfits and sell them to unsuspecting consumers?”
Silence filled the cave atop the snow-covered mountain in an unidentified part of the world.
No one had ever suggested something so bold.
“You,” began the boss...
"...are a goddamn genius."
"Her past outfits will give us enough designs for at least another 100 seasons!" the boss exclaimed.
"And her immortality will give us infinite designs in the future!"
And so it was.
From that day forth, the cave walls of the Asos headquarters were permanently plastered with pictures of Cher.
So, thank you, Cher, for your excellent outfits.
And for allowing Asos to continue making enough money to rent out an office in a cave atop a snow-covered mountain.
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