Mum's Definition: (Is it a food? Really? Its not? Ok....) Easy, simple.
Example sentence: (Whilst watching Masterchef) That is so piff to make, I mean what is this? PiffChef? Pathetic. I am going to go cook that right now, because it is that piff.
Actual Definition An adjective used to describe an attractive person.
Mum's Definition: Rubbish, not cool.
Example sentence: I hate it when you all have to watch Family Guy all the time. That show is so dank and not funny. I mean it, its just so dank.
Actual Definition Good, amazing.
3. DIP YARD
Mum's Definition: A swimming pool (?!?!?!?!?!?!?!)
Example Sentence: You have to put sunscreen on before you get into the dip yard. I mean it, no swimming in the dip yard until you've put it on. Do you know how dangerous the sun is?!
Actual Definition: To go home.
Mum's Definition: To do without it, to not want it.
Example Sentence: That damn barista in Starbucks talked me into having the damn whipped cream on top of my damn frappuccino. I mean, it was absolutely delicious, but I am waved.
Actual Definition: To be drunk (and sometimes high at the same time).
Mum's Definition: Talking non-stop.
Example Sentence: I cannot stand going for coffee with Sandra. That woman will not stop gassing about her bratty kids and her new nose job. I wanted to rip off my ears and shove them in her mouth.
Actual Definition: Chatting shit.
Mum's Definition: What you call someone who is not cool.
Example Sentence: I'd like to think that I am a pretty hip and cool person. I mean, I use Facebook, I go on Buzzfeed, I watch Game of Thrones. Unlike your father, he is totally gassed - he doesn't even know that WINTER IS COMING.
Actual Definition: To get excited, or get your hopes up.
Mum's Definition: (Can it be a noun? I'm going to make it a noun) A goner, a deadman walking.
Example Sentence: Thank god I was able to grab the last iPhone 5s from the Apple Store for George's birthday. I would've been such a clapped otherwise, I mean, I've had all month to get it. In other news- I hate the Apple Store.
Actual Definition: Ugly, gross, generally negative.
Mum's Definition: Bullshit.
Example Sentence: I cannot believe I did not get any bloody Beyoncé tickets. I was on the computer for like two hours trying to get them, and NOTHING. This is such PENG.
Actual Definition: Hot, good-looking, fit.
Mum's Definition: Whore, slut.
Example Sentence: Avoid dating yats dear, they'll break your heart and leave you with an STI. Best avoided sweetheart.
Actual Definition: A young female.