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Teenage British Slang As Guessed By A Grown-Up Mum

My teenage brother recently filled me in with some of London's latest slang. To test the generation slang gap, I asked my Mum what she thought some of the words meant. It is safe to say, she had no clue. Literally, nothing. Nada.

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Mum's Definition: (Is it a food? Really? Its not? Ok....) Easy, simple.

Example sentence: (Whilst watching Masterchef) That is so piff to make, I mean what is this? PiffChef? Pathetic. I am going to go cook that right now, because it is that piff.

Actual Definition An adjective used to describe an attractive person.


Mum's Definition: Rubbish, not cool.

Example sentence: I hate it when you all have to watch Family Guy all the time. That show is so dank and not funny. I mean it, its just so dank.

Actual Definition Good, amazing.


Mum's Definition: A swimming pool (?!?!?!?!?!?!?!)

Example Sentence: You have to put sunscreen on before you get into the dip yard. I mean it, no swimming in the dip yard until you've put it on. Do you know how dangerous the sun is?!

Actual Definition: To go home.


Mum's Definition: To do without it, to not want it.

Example Sentence: That damn barista in Starbucks talked me into having the damn whipped cream on top of my damn frappuccino. I mean, it was absolutely delicious, but I am waved.

Actual Definition: To be drunk (and sometimes high at the same time).


Mum's Definition: Talking non-stop.

Example Sentence: I cannot stand going for coffee with Sandra. That woman will not stop gassing about her bratty kids and her new nose job. I wanted to rip off my ears and shove them in her mouth.

Actual Definition: Chatting shit.


Mum's Definition: What you call someone who is not cool.

Example Sentence: I'd like to think that I am a pretty hip and cool person. I mean, I use Facebook, I go on Buzzfeed, I watch Game of Thrones. Unlike your father, he is totally gassed - he doesn't even know that WINTER IS COMING.

Actual Definition: To get excited, or get your hopes up.


Mum's Definition: (Can it be a noun? I'm going to make it a noun) A goner, a deadman walking.

Example Sentence: Thank god I was able to grab the last iPhone 5s from the Apple Store for George's birthday. I would've been such a clapped otherwise, I mean, I've had all month to get it. In other news- I hate the Apple Store.

Actual Definition: Ugly, gross, generally negative.


Mum's Definition: Bullshit.

Example Sentence: I cannot believe I did not get any bloody Beyoncé tickets. I was on the computer for like two hours trying to get them, and NOTHING. This is such PENG.

Actual Definition: Hot, good-looking, fit.

9. YAT

Mum's Definition: Whore, slut.

Example Sentence: Avoid dating yats dear, they'll break your heart and leave you with an STI. Best avoided sweetheart.

Actual Definition: A young female.

Not sure these are going to be added to my vocabulary anytime soon...

Mum: I feel ancient.

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