Quit Using Tree-Killing Toilet Paper And Just Get A Freaking Bidet

Keep your butt *and* the planet clean.

Dear frequent toilet paper users: seriously, STOP using literally millions of trees (like at least nine million per year) and GALLONS of water (as in, 37 per roll) to wipe your butts every single day.

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Because, y'all, that's what most fluffy, luxe toilet paper is: new, not-recycled fiber from trees (usually a mix of different kinds of trees, including eucalyptus, pictured above), processed with lots of water and then bleached into the fluffy white squares you reach for several times each day.

(Yes, some or most of that fiber is likely to be FSC-certified and thankfully not from 300-year-old trees/"old growth" forests. All of the FSC-certified mainstream T.P. brands that aren't recycled are certified "mix", not "100%", which means the virgin wood pulp it’s made from is probably sourced from responsibly managed forests or controlled wood. As in, nothing is guaranteed, but the companies do try and do the right thing, knowing they can't really make soft and fluffy T.P. using recycled fiber. STILL. NINE MILLION TREES.)

Why? Because there's a better way that will give you an INCREDIBLY clean butt — with MUCH less of an impact on the environment. Yes y'all, I'm talking about that ultimate bathroom upgrade: the bidet.

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Sure, bidets do use water — but significantly less water than it takes to produce T.P. Like, around 1/8th of a gallon each time, or two cups. So say it takes you a full week to use an entire roll of T.P., start to finish (which remember, cost 37 gallons of water to make). Switch to a bidet for that week instead, and you might save up to 36 gallons (plus two cups!) of water. Even if you still use some T.P. (which you probably will, more on that in a second), you'll drastically cut down your overall consumption and save hundreds if not thousands of gallons of water per year.

The biggest environmental downside of bidets = many affordable attachments are made of plastic that may or may not be recyclable.

I know it sounds a little intimidating at first, but if the over 6,000 people who gave this bidet attachment a positive review can come to love it, I bet you will, too!

amazon.com, Emmy Favilla / BuzzFeed

One of our editors tested this bidet, which is $34.50 on Amazon, against a $70 version — and this came out on top. She also gives a thorough step-by-step that makes installation easy!

BTW, you probably won't completely ditch toilet paper! You'll just use much less of it — maybe two or three sheets to pat yourself dry. And then you might even switch to recycled (which takes 64% less energy and 50% less water to produce, and makes 74% less air pollution, according to Your Best Digs) even though it's a little rougher, because all you're doing is drying off. It's cheap, too: two cents/square foot, as opposed to most fluffy T.P.'s three cents/square foot. Get a pack of 48 rolls on Amazon for $27.18.

In fact, many of those Amazon reviewers swear that their old standby toilet paper absolutely does not stand up to the true clean this attachment provides.

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Promising reviews: "Speaking as a hirsute gentleman, the Luxe Bidet Neo 120 has soured me on pooping in bidet-less toilets forever. It's shown me the difference between rubbing peanut butter out of shag carpeting and that sparkling clean feeling you get right when you step out of the shower.

The unit took me all of about 10 minutes to install on my existing toilet with only a wrench. The easy-to-control flow valve allows for a full range of cleaning, from "gentle trickling stream" to "full-on 'Silkwood' decontamination", ensuring the end of your bowel movement leaves you feeling cleaner and more refreshed than using just toilet paper alone. Even flushable wet wipes pale in comparison." —Mercury

"When my husband first suggested getting a bidet, my immediate reaction was "Eww no! No way I'm using that!" Therefore, when he installed it, I informed him that I would still be using toilet paper, thank you. Fast forward 30 minutes to when he took it for a spin and exclaimed that it was "the most amazing thing ever and I HAD to try it!" In the end, his darling brown eyes won me over and I decided to give it a whirl.

It was heaven. A bit startling at first, if you have never used a bidet, but I have never felt cleaner in my whole life! It also has been helpful to those of us who have hemorrhoids (THANKS CHILDBIRTH) because it is gentler and less abrasive than toilet paper. We haven't bought toilet paper for four months and I haven't missed it a bit." —Jordan

Besides loving the feeling of being really and truly clean, other reviewers also notice how drastically their new bidet cuts their toilet paper use, and swear it's literally life changing.

"Some reviewers have said they don't consider this product "life changing", but I do. It's fantastic. I now feel like disposable toilet paper is a huge, wasteful, costly scam. Bidets do a fantastic job of cleaning up. At first, I was just drying off with two squares of toilet paper, but then decided to just go all-out and bought some basic washcloths for $10. Really, after taking a few seconds washing off, all you need to do is dry." —Matthew

"I live in the country with a septic system and was going through toilet paper like a person possessed trying to get as clean as possible. Besides the fact that TP is EXPENSIVE, I was concerned about the accumulation in my tank. This bidet cleans well enough that I'm using about 1/4 to 1/3 the amount of paper I previously used. PLUS, I feel so much cleaner!! The water in a toilet tank is pretty much room temperature so it's not like using ice water. I find the "cold" water alone to be very effective and not uncomfortable. I'm convinced this is one of my smarter purchases and am truly happy so far." —Amazon Customer

Oh and BTW, with a few turns of the controls, it actually cleans itself.

Emmy Favilla / BuzzFeed

"The big selling point was the nozzle guard gate, which helps keep the nozzle protected and clean from splash-back, being coated by the forceful and uncontrollable consequences of that breakfast burrito, or especially from little nephews who still haven't perfected the art of aiming. The self-cleaning function was also a big selling point. You can switch to cleaning mode and use the force of the water to rinse off the nozzle and the back side of the gate to clean away anything that could have contaminated the area. This, along with regular toilet cleaning, lets you feel secure that you’re not shooting bacteria-ridden water all over yourself." —Spencer in AZ

So, y'all, seriously: stop wasting good trees on toilet paper and just get a bidet already! This one comes in two colors, blue and white or pure white, for $34.50 on Amazon.

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Oh, and if you want a more ~luxurious~ toilet experience, you can upgrade to the version that lets you add a hot water hookup — get that one on Amazon for $57.95.

Sticking resolutely to T.P.? Check out our picks for the best toilet paper on BuzzFeed Reviews.

The reviews in this post have been edited for length and clarity.

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