1. You’re like that first piece of bread, everyone touches you but no one wants you
2. It looks like your face caught on fire and someone tried to put it out with a hammer
3. You must have been born on a highway because that’s where most accidents happen
4. There is only one problem with your face, I can see it
5. I’m jealous of all the people who haven’t met you
6. I don’t know what makes you so stupid, but it really works
7. I don’t know what your problem is, but i bet it’s hard to pronounce
8. You look like something I’d draw with my left hand
9. If I could buy you for what I think you're worth, and sell you for what you think you're worth, I’d be wealthy.
10. Mirrors can’t talk, and lucky for you they can’t laugh either
11. Please shut your mouth when you’re talking to me
12. There’s no need to repeat yourself, I ignored you just fine the first time
13. I get so emotional when you’re not around. That emotion is called happiness
14. Don’t let your mind wonder, it’s too small to be let out by itself
15. If I gave you a penny for your thoughts, I’d get change
16. So you’ve changed your mind, does this one work better?
17. There is one thing keeping me from breaking you in half…I don’t want two of you
18. Has anyone ever told you to shut the fuck up!?
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