Liam Neeson shared a touching (wink, wink) story about the last time he ever confessed at church.
In a clip shared for his appearance on Conan O'Brien Needs a Friend podcast, Liam, who was raised Catholic, admitted that he stopped attending confession after a priest loudly shamed him for a NSFW admission.
The 71-year-old actor started by explaining he was 15 years old when a missionary visited his Ireland church from Africa. "It was a great event when you had a missionary visiting from Africa," he said.
"And he'd be there for a week, and you'd go to Mass every night. And as an altar boy, I'd be serving at Mass, but to hear your confession from him, it was like a big deal."
While he felt honored, he noted that the priest had a very loud voice because he was "used to shouting his lungs out" in the Democratic Republic of the Congo of Africa. Additionally, since it was right before Mass, a group of older women were praying just outside the confessional booth.
"So we start, and I had learned how to pleasure myself at home, onto the sheets, right? I had looked up the appropriate word. I remember that…," he began.
"'Masturbate?' 'Masturbation?' Okay. That seems harmless enough. Let's say that," Liam recalled.
Liam said he confessed to an argument with his mother and perhaps a fight with his sister and then finally told the priest, "I masturbated."
According to Liam, the priest lost it. "You what?!"
"This guy, literally, I mean, he almost said things like, 'The grass will grow over the palm of your hand before you're 21!'"
"'Stop that evil practice!'" he hilariously added.
"I have to leave this, and there's all these old women praying outside. They can hear everything, especially him."
Liam apparently was so embarrassed that he claimed he shrank. "My dick was that size," he said, divulging too much information.
"That was the last time I ever went to confession," Liam finished.
"I think that'll do it," Conan responded.
Hear Liam tell the hilarious story in his epic voice here. The full interview is available on Aug. 28.
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Close your eyes and imagine Aslan or Qui-Gon Jinn are telling this story for maximum hilarity.