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26 Questions Job Applicants Have

Asked by extremely cute animals to cloak the despair of unemployment.

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1. Why does an entry-level position need 3+ years of experience?

2. You need 5 professional references?

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I graduated, like, yesterday.

3. You want a “funny anecdote” in the body of your email?

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Sure! This one time, at band camp…

4. Why do you need my social security number and drivers license number?

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It freaks me out a little.

5. New job listing that I qualify for? Where?

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Oh it's a "commission-based" position. Great.

6. Would I like to know about these awesome bennies? Sure!

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Not getting my hopes up.

7. All I get is the auto-response email?

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Okay. That's fine.

8. Expected salary?

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I don't know, you tell me. Enough for me to eat?

9. Upload my resume AND complete your custom application?

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It's the same information, but alright.

10. Oohh you're paying $0.50 more than minimum wage?

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Cool! I'll pay off my loans in 100 years or so.

11. Can I reapply for that position you relisted?

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Even though you still didn't respond to me.

12. Hi there, I applied for a position last week?

Just wanted to check in.

13. Could you please respond to my inquiries?

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I'll just wait.

14. Why is this so hard?

15. No new emails?

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Okay.

16. What time is it?

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I've been completing job applications for 4 hours now. Stimulating.

17. Is that an actual response??

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Woo-hoo!!!

18. Am I available to talk at 10:30am tomorrow?

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Hmmm... lemme see... HELL YES!

19. Complete this 14 page job application?

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No problem.

20. Three stages of interviewing?

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Sounds good to me.

21. Security clearance? Special certificates? Graduate degree?

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I have a cat power on Buzzfeed. I’m kind of a big deal.

22. Am I going to be freaking late to this interview?

23. How much will I have to work with others?

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I don't like others.

24. Did I nail it?

25. So I should just wait for a call back, then?

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Phone's on, right?

26. Do I just need to start all over again?

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*sigh*

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