Girls Try To Answer 14 "Guy Code" Questions

Aubree: The blacker the berry, the sweeter the juice.

Casey: I don't know your secrets, penis.

Cyndi: It'd be cool if it were paler because then we could call them ghost penises.

Andrea: This is a trick question. The penis is metaphorically dark, like Voldemort's wand.

Kim: Sorcery.

Emily: The inside of the vagina and anus both emit a chemical similar to the active ingredient in self-tanner. I know that sounds like a joke, but look it up.

[We looked it up. That's not a thing.]

Cyndi: An anti-boner rally. A vagina party.

Casey: Playgrounds.

Leslie: Somewhere outside the groin area of your pants. 'Cause that would mean you have a penis on your armpit or on your knee or something.

Ashley: Can't guys just tuck 'em up into their underwear? Is that a thing? I wish I could do that.

Lily: Never awkward if you know how to conceal it.

Lily: What would Don Draper do?

Emily S.: Make sure they're cool with it first, ya dick.

Kristin: Keep the number of women even, as odd is the devil's preference.

Isa: I mean, I'm dating multiple men at once, so let's not talk about it.

Aubree: An AREA code. If it's good enough for Ludacris, it's good enough for me.

Kristen: Date girls with different hair colors so you can easily tell them apart.

Tuni: "Don't Panic" - French Montana

Alix: Binoculars from afar.

Jen: Porn. Or National Geographic.

Ashley: There isn't. We always know.

Emily S.: Wait until she's doing a dick peek.

Kristin: Start at the base of Mt. Boob, and bring energy-sustaining snacks.

Aubree: If you gotta sneak, you weak.

Mandy: Good bone structure but bad teeth, a girlfriend, and a startup T-shirt.

Julie: Knowing when and how to leave the conversation without winking and saying something douchey.

Andrea: Be Jonah Hill in a movie.

Cyndi: Top Gun quotes and cool secret handshakes, IDK.

Jen: A non-threatening amount of chest hair.

Kristin: Hollow bones.

Mandy: Ask a drag queen to teach you to "tuck."

Kristin: Keep them in a glass menagerie, with those figurines that you have.

Alix: Kiss them and tell them they're beautiful every day. Make them tiny fedoras to protect their little heads.

Leslie: Let them soak in mayonnaise for a few hours. This will at least keep your pubic hair pristine.

Emily: "Nationwide is on your side."

Aubree: Pillow.

Casey: Circling each other with your dicks out in a wrestling ring.

Mandy: In the comments section.

Leslie: Anything goes as long as the fight is over something important, like stealing someone's French fries.

Emily: Old-school fisticuffs. Classy as fuck.

Kristin: Blind, and thumbless.

Emily C.: "Let it go. Let it gooooo."

Emily S.: Yes! You'll 100% always feel better. Say it with me: Puke and rally.

Tuni: Never.

Lily: Always.

Kim: To quote Wayne Campbell, "If you blow chunks and she comes back, she's yours."

Casey: Make her some goddamn breakfast.

Jana: Have sex again, then drop the mic (bring a mic with you for this purpose).

Mandy: Brush your teeth and tell her how pretty she looks, even if she looks like Danny DeVito in the morning.

Alix: Leave as quickly as possible before the beer farts hit you (and her).

Ashley: Definitely don't slip out while she's sleeping. Not that that's happened to me. (That's happened to me.)

Aubree: Bone 'em if you got 'em.

Jen: Seriously, dude, just call it your hand.

Casey: "Can" you? I don't know, can you? MAY you? Yes.

Andrea: Yes, but you have to ensure that you're both repulsed by each other.

Tory: Yes, but you definitely have had at least one non-platonic thought about her over the course of your relationship.

Emily: Yeah. I mean, it's not going to be ME, but yeah.

Leslie: I hear tectonic girlfriends are much better.

Andrea: Please do not.

Leslie: Sure! If your girl is, like, a plant, or a sink, or a towel — just not if she is a person.

Ashley: I mean, no. But, how badly do you have to go? Like, are you gonna be sick? I don't want you to be sick. Is it an emergency?

Kristin: Do whatever the bears do.

Aubree: Not unless she's into that.

Tuni: That's how you know she's the one.

Emily: Any of them. Men have tear ducts and emotions, and SPCA commercials are manipulative as fuck.

Mandy: War movies and movies where the dog dies. Otherwise you have no soul.

Kristin: Spy Kids 1, Spy Kids 2, and Spy Kids 4.

Lily: Homeward Bound.

Andrea: The Annie remake. That movie was really bad.

Alix: Lies and oral.

Mandy: A tragic backstory.

Kristen: Just be yourself, be considerate.

Tara: No matter what, make sure she comes first.

Jess: 1) Give great head; 2) When you grab her neck, you touch her soul; and 3) Make her cum first.

Kim: Go easy on the trick moves. This is not the circus.

Alix: Lies and oral.

Cyndi: She takes off her glasses and swishes the ponytail out of her hair, and then you kiss.

Aubree: When she drinks you under the table, puts you to bed, and wakes you up with pizza.

Leslie: When you accidentally hear her poop, but still feel butterflies when she victoriously comes out of the bathroom.

Jen: When you meet someone with the name "Oracle," or "Supreme Wizard," or "Ultimate Destiny," or "Sarah."

Isa: LOL ask me in 10 years.