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Posted on Dec 24, 2014

41 Thoughts You Have When You're Stuck In A Stupid Chimney

What am I doing with my life?

Getty Images/iStockphoto Andreas Rodriguez

1. Just a litttttle further.

2. And wiggle, wiggle, wiggle.

3. Aaaaaand wiggle, wiggle, wiggle.

4. Wiggle...

5. OK, this is a situation.

6. Don't panic.

7. Just gotta reach ever-so-carefully for my McCallister's industrial strength chimney lubricant.

8. And lube that chimney. Lube that chimney.

9. Thank god for chimney lube, am I right?

10. OK, Kris, wiggle what ya mama gave ya.

11. Don't panic.

12. You're on a tropical beach and everything is fine.

13. And breathe. Just breathe.

14. Oh my god! Are there bats in here?

15. God damn it, Timmy!

16. Why is your chimney so small?

17. Is little Timmy even worth this?

18. It's not like he was NEVER naughty this year.

19. Why do I do this?

20. Get it together, Kris!

21. You're a professional.

22. You're a god damned professional.

23. And also a grown man wearing a velvet suit.

24. You know what? No. I'm feeling my look.

25. This is MY night.

26. I'm the mothereffing king of Christmas.

27. Ain't nobody got this but me.

28. I got this.

29. I'm not gonna let one piece-of-trash chimney fuel negative self talk.

30. I'm SANTA CLAUS and y'all better respect.

31. Was that a bat? I swear to god!

32. Bat!

33. Bat!

34. Bat!

35. I just wanna go home.

36. I guess this chimney is my new home.

37. I can start a new life in here.

38. Oh my fur was just stuck.

39. I'm free!

40. Three points for Gryffindor!

41. Ho ho ho!

42. Screw you and your chimney, Timmy!

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