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Three Guys Answer The Questions Women Have For Men

Here's what we really talk about at sleepovers.

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1. “What do you talk about at sleepovers?”

Logan Rhoades / BuzzFeed / Via Columbia Pictures

Andrew Ziegler:

What we always talk about: that which shall not be named.

Spencer Althouse:

Talking is kept to a minimum, unless we're wishing death upon one another while playing video games.

Logan Rhoades:

That's like asking, "What did you talk about in elementary school?" I don't remember those conversations. All I remember is playing video games, watching movies, and trying to stay up as late as we could.

2. “Why does it take you so long to poop?”

Logan Rhoades / BuzzFeed / Via NBCUniversal Television Distribution

Logan:

That's rude. I'm a quick pooper.

Andrew:

What's the hurry?

Logan:

I think I'm in the minority here of men who do not chill on the toilet when pooping.

Spencer:

I don't know how much time constitutes a long poop, but I'm normally pretty quick with it. Why dillydally?

3. “Do you shiver when you pee in the morning? Is that a thing?”

Logan Rhoades / BuzzFeed / Via New Line Cinema

Logan:

What?

Andrew:

What are you talking about?

Spencer:

I have literally never heard of this before, and it worries me because now I think all women shiver before peeing in the morning?

Logan:

Yeah, wait, is that a thing girls do and now they want to see if guys do it too?

Andrew:

I shiver when it's cold. When I pee, I pee.

Logan:

I am so confused...

Spencer:

Same. Part of me was scared that most men should shiver while peeing and that something was wrong with me for not doing it.

4. “What’s the deal with drawing dicks all over everything?”

Logan Rhoades / BuzzFeed / Via Columbia Pictures

Spencer:

I don't really do this, but I guess some guys do it to mark their territory? We can't pee on everything like animals, so drawing penises everywhere is the next best thing.

Andrew:

It's funny.

Logan:

I don't think anybody is just drawing dicks all over everything. Men may use a large variety of canvases to draw a dick, but we don't wallpaper everything we see with dicks. Having said that, it happens because dicks are easy to draw and easy to identify. We're simple people and a dick drawing leaves no room for interpretation. As for why? It's fun to vandalize stuff in a fairly innocent way.

Spencer:

When was the last time you've both drawn a penis?

Andrew:

Hmmm...high school?

Logan:

Yeah, I can't really remember the last time I drew a penis.

5. “Are all your exes reaaaaaallllly ‘crazy’?”

Logan Rhoades / BuzzFeed / Via Paramount Pictures

Spencer:

I actually don't know how to respond to this, because I have very few exes and have remained friends with all of them, so I wouldn't consider any of them crazy.

Andrew:

I don't want to touch this one. JK, no, they're not.

Logan:

I'm still friends with all of my exes, so no, they're not crazy.

6. “Why do you put your dicks inside random objects?”

Via buzzfeed.com

Andrew:

I can confidently say I've never done this.

Logan:

Why y'all fuck cucumbers? Don't group me together with that dude who gets off in Hot Pockets. I don't do that.

Spencer:

I have never been more dumbfounded after seeing that "dicks in high heels" post. I keep my penis to myself and leave the inanimate objects alone.

8. “Have you ever been catcalled?”

Warner Bros.

Logan:

I have never catcalled or been catcalled. I don't understand any of it, tbh.

Andrew:

I've been screamed at from passing cars, but I think they were making fun of me.

Spencer:

Same. The closest I've come to being catcalled was in elementary school when a girl went, "Looking good. Can I buy you a Pop-Tart?"

Logan:

Did you let her buy you a Pop-Tart?

Spencer:

Hah. I don't even remember.

Logan:

Second part of that question, was it frosted? If not, I hope you dumped her right then and there.

Spencer:

If it wasn't then I probably stopped talking to her after that.

9. “Do circle jerks really happen, like, just hangin’ out, platonically masturbating with your bros?”

E4

Andrew:

I've actually only ever heard the term "circle jerk" used figuratively.

Spencer:

I've never had a circle jerk before, but I've talked with friends who have. My twin and I had the same group of friends growing up, so I feel like that would have been too awkward.

Logan:

You know, I'd really like to find out the answer to this because it's become somewhat of an urban legend. I don't know if it's true, but I've heard stories.

Spencer:

Yeah, same. Like orgies. I'm sure they happen, but I'm always the last to know.

Andrew:

But I doubt they're platonic.

Logan:

I want to know how that starts. Who initiates the circle jerk?

Andrew:

Whoever ordered the large sausage pizza.

Logan:

Hahaha. Maybe that's what happens at other people's sleepovers. We're playing video games while other dudes are jacking each other off.

Spencer:

And how does it happen? Like, what's going through the friend's mind? "I really want to jerk off with my friends right now."

Logan:

I have so many questions for circle jerkers...

10. “Are all you ‘straight’ guys really not even a little bi?”

NBC

Logan:

I don't know what this means by "a little bi," but I think it's natural to ask yourself questions regarding this.

Spencer:

This makes me think of that Parks and Rec scene when Ben is on national TV and gets nervous and yells, "Who hasn't had gay thoughts?!"

Andrew:

I'm pretty much exclusively attracted to women. But you know, society maybe? Who knows?

Spencer:

Yeah, like, all guys can tell if another guy is attractive. And they're lying if they say otherwise.

Andrew:

That goes without saying.

Logan:

Exactly. I'm attracted to women, but I can definitely tell when another man is good-looking.

11. “Are *all* of you obsessed with the History channel on the weekend?”

Comedy Central

Logan:

I don't know a single show on the History channel.

Andrew:

The History channel isn't what it used to be. Case in point: Ancient Aliens.

Logan:

I used to watch the Discovery channel a lot, but never really got into the History channel. I'm all about that Planet Earth.

Andrew:

I'm more of a Food Network guy myself.

Logan:

Oh, yeah. I go on Food Network binges.

Andrew:

If they had asked if we all watch Food Network, I'd probably say, "Unequivocally yes."

Logan:

Yeah, Food Network would have been a better question.

Spencer:

Give me Rachael Ray's $40 a Day and I'll be good for a week.

12. “Have you ever tasted your own semen, like, just a little, just to see?”

Olive Bridge Entertainment

Andrew:

Absolutely not. Isn't that like asking someone if they've ever tasted their own pee? [Update: I have since changed my stance on this subject. I know that semen and pee are not remotely similar.]

Spencer:

OK, if I'm being honest with everyone, then, yeah, I've tasted it before, both on purpose and not.

Logan:

Haha. That's actually a great question because dudes will take that confession to the grave. But I have, yeah. It's a seemingly very personal question, but I think the logic behind it is totally normal: "What the fuck does this taste like?" That's perfectly understandable to me, but it gets weird when you think about other people doing it. Also, Spencer, care to elaborate on that "not on purpose" part?

Spencer:

Sometimes you overshoot the landing, Logan.

13. “Do you actually think people care if you buy tampons?”

20th Century Fox

Spencer:

Personally, I don't care if I have to pick up tampons.

Andrew:

Nope. I would buy tampons in a heartbeat, just for fun.

Logan:

Buying tampons has never been an issue for me. You gotta know what to get. Plastic with a round tip.

Spencer:

Ha. Yeah. It's like Boy Scouts...be prepared.

Andrew:

There should seriously be classes on this for everyone.

14. “Do you ever say ‘I love you’ to your best friend?”

DreamWorks Pictures

Andrew:

I don't say it, but I do love him.

Logan:

I do. I have a few friends that I say "love you" to. It's usually not just "I love you," though. It's like, "I love you, man" or, "Love you, buddy."

Spencer:

Same. Of course I love them. I just don't say it. But I don't say it to my parents either, so I'm not the best person to ask for this one.

15. “How often do you get accidental boners? Weekly? Monthly?”

Apatow Productions

Spencer:

If you're only getting a monthly boner then you should see a doctor, because something is wrong.

Andrew:

Hmm...Let me check my boner log...Not sure, but I'll say this: It definitely happens.

Spencer:

Yeah, and morning wood is most definitely a thing.

Logan:

The problem with this is that we're not keeping track or always aware of them (morning wood), but it's definitely more frequent than I would like. I know we joke about it, but men can get a boner in almost any situation. WE CAN'T CONTROL IT!

Andrew:

Yeah, it's difficult to wield.

Spencer:

I was literally about to say...you could be watching Marley & Me and the puppy dies and then you get a boner. IT HAPPENS!

16. “Why are you so interested in how big your friends’ dicks are?”

Fox

Spencer:

This is the kind of question for people who do circle jerks, because I've never asked one of my friends how big their dick is.

Logan:

I have never wondered that. I think a better question is: "Why are you so interested in how big your dick is compared to others?" I could care less about my friend's dick size.

Andrew:

Yeah up to a certain point in life, we only know our own dick size, but, like, I never look my friend up and down and go, "I wonder how big his dick is."

Logan:

Yeah, I will just say, I think every guy knows where he lines up compared to the average penis size, but I doubt most men are interested in finding out the size of their friend's penis.

17. “And what’s up with the whole slapping one another’s butts thing?”

Fox

Andrew:

Sports, man. Sports.

Logan:

Man, I don't know. My coaches used to do that and I was always just like, "Can you not?"

Spencer:

I just rewatched the Friends episode last night where Chandler's boss slaps him on the butt for doing a good job, and Chandler is so uncomfortable. No one should touch anyone's butt without permission.

Logan:

Agreed. High fives > butt slaps.

Spencer:

I'm content with a thumbs up. No need to touch my butt.

Andrew:

Maybe just write me a letter.

18. “What is your opposition to nightstands, or hanging things on walls for that matter?”

Netflix

Andrew:

This is the first I'm hearing about the male resistance to nightstands.

Spencer:

I'm a minimalist. I like things to be simple. I went through junior and senior year of college with just a mattress and a laundry basket. BUT with age comes more furniture.

Logan:

I think I've always had a nightstand because I like to have my phone and clock on it. And I'm also pretty minimalistic, so I tend to not hang many things on my walls for that reason, but also because I don't want to decorate a temporary space. I'll hang things on the walls of my home, but for now, there's not much in my tiny apartment room.

Spencer:

Yeah. If I was moving into a place where I knew I was going to spend 10-plus years, then ~maybe~ I'll frame a picture for the wall, but other than that I don't see the point.

Andrew:

I'm proud to say my apartment is well-decorated. I like things on my walls.

19. “Are blue balls a real thing?”

Fox

Logan:

Yes. I don't understand why people still have to ask this question. It's real, ladies.

Spencer:

The last time I had it, it literally ruined my whole morning.

Logan:

I think the issue with this being a myth is that the feeling of blue balls is hard to describe, so maybe that is why women think it's not real. But it is definitely real and it friggin' hurts.

Andrew:

But they don't turn blue.

Logan:

Good point. It's a metaphorical black and blue.

20. “Does your dick ever get in your way when you’re walking around?”

Sky 1

Andrew:

I'm imagining like a comedically long dick giving someone a hard time turning corners in narrow hallways. But that's a solid no. I don't believe so. Not me, at least.

Spencer:

I think it's a bigger inconvenience during sports. I remember running during soccer and sometimes my dick would escape through the flap part of my briefs and then I'd have to readjust.

Logan:

Yeah, I don't think it gets in the way as much as it can be an inconvenience at times.

Spencer:

Agreed.

21. “Do your balls ever stick to anything else on your body?”

NBC

Spencer:

My balls stick to my back all the time.

Logan:

Haha. My balls are practically glued to my elbows.

Andrew:

Hahaha.

Logan:

I mean, "my inner thighs" would be the answer, I guess.

Andrew:

Yes. Same.

Spencer:

Yeah.

Andrew:

They don't get much of a chance to leave that general area.

22. “Are broken penises just a myth?”

Miramax Films

Andrew:

"Google it" is my answer. I've heard that it happens.

Spencer:

Penises are very bendy and flexible, but I have absolutely no idea. That sounds like something from a movie.

Andrew:

But it's one of those things that I'd rather not see or think about.

Spencer:

Imagine the Google Images results. I'm cringing already.

Logan:

I don't know how often it happens, but it happens. I recently saw a video of a girl doing the leg press where her legs locked and her knees buckled the wrong way. I assume that's what breaking your dick feels like. I'm also pretty sure it can only happen to an erect penis. I mean, it'd be tough to break a flaccid penis. Flaccid dicks are pretty malleable, so you really gotta do some damage to break that.

23. “And finally, what does having a boner feel like?”

Universal Pictures

Andrew:

I'm stumped.

Spencer:

I literally don't know how to explain it.

Logan:

This is such a tough question because it's difficult to disassociate the feeling of what's happening prior to a boner and what happens next, if that make sense. So trying to focus on the boner feeling itself is hard to explain. Now I don't know if this is common knowledge or not, but there are different degrees of hardness, so in that sense, all boners feel different. Morning wood aside though, having a boner tends to take your focus, sort of like an adrenaline rush to that part of the body.

Andrew:

Yes. It feels like arousal. But you have this big uncomfortable thing in your pants that you can't control.

Logan:

I guess the best way to explain it is similar to the feeling you get after a good workout at the gym and you can feel your muscles tightening. In other words, you can feel your penis getting harder/bigger. Now add arousal to that, and that is sort of what having a boner feels like?

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