1. Because his life was about so much more than sports, Forrest Gump is rarely mentioned in the same sentence as other great fictional athletes — Rocky, Roy Hobbs, Teen Wolf. But he was the most accomplished of them all. Think about it.
He’s easily on par with the guys from Chariots of Fire as a sprinter. I mean, that motherfucker ran out of his leg braces. His ground speed was so fast that it straight up destroyed steel bars.
That same speed impressed the one and only Bear Bryant…
Who brought him on to the Alabama football team, where he became an All-American.
How about outrunning an airstrike? Because Gump did that too, while carrying his best good friend, who weighs, like, way more than a football. You think Air Bud could handle this kind of napalm?
Did any of the Mighty Ducks ever run so far for so long that it created a movement and inspired an entire country to rethink their lives? Because Forrest did.
And check out that visual focus!
Not only was he the United States Table Tennis Player of the Year — an award you didn’t even know existed until just now —
But his ping pong skills basically saved our great nation’s freedom.
Plus, he’s got mad MMA skills, deploying a superb ground-and-pound attack.
His swimming form is perfect.
And look at his effortless hurdling!
We’re talking about unquestionably the best football player and table tennis champion in history — with clear talents in sprinting, MMA, swimming, hurdles, and ultramarathon endurance. Forrest Gump is Bo Jackson crossed with Usain Bolt crossed with AMERICA.
And that’s just Forrest being Forrest. The G.O.A.T.
- White House Press Secretary Sean Spicer repeated claims that the inauguration was the most watched ever. But the numbers (still) don't make sense.
- President Trump signed an executive order that bans foreign organizations that receive US funding from providing abortions.
- Democratic lawmakers say Trump's new hotel in Washington, DC, has lost over $1 million and violates its lease with the government.
- You could be consuming fake news on Snapchat Discover. The app is now making publishers fact-check their content 👻