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Dear Men, You Seriously Need To Stop Wearing Jorts

Consider this your public service announcement.

You know who looks good in jorts?


JB Lacroix / Getty

And only women.

David Krieger/Bauer-Griffin / Getty

Not a single man in history has ever looked good in jorts.

Not any actors...

David LEFRANC / Getty


Biloxi Sun Herald / Getty

Or musical artists.

You know why?

Because jorts are ugly and make cool people look stupid.

They are basically the macaroni necklaces of adulthood.

A&E / Gurney Productions

Except nobody is legitimately proud to wear a macaroni necklace.

90% of the time, jorts are far too tight and tiny to be acceptable in public.

The world doesn’t want to see your impossibly white thighs, the bottom of your pockets, or the strands of denim dangling over those pockets.

And when they're not super short, they are ridiculously big and baggy.

Andrew H. Walker / Getty Images

What are you trying to hide under there?

Not only do they lack so many of the necessary qualities of other shorts, such as comfort and range of motion...

But they're also totally impractical.

20th Century Fox Television

You know what I like on a sweltering summer day? Hot denim rubbing against my thighs and scrunched up into my crotch.

And if jorts truly were "freeing" don't you think uniforms would be made out of denim or that maybe gymnasts and runners would wear them?

Via Cameron Spencer / Staff

And I'm sorry but jorts are NOT American.


The star spangled banner is American. Your silly attempt at summer wear is just cheap and sad.

Or badass.

Fred Norris / HBO

They are stupid, hideous, and should be removed from your life.

So the next time you grab a pair of scissors, looking to cut your next pair of jorts...

Victor Tatum / BuzzFeed / Via

Remember that nobody wants to see you looking like this. / Via Victor Tatum / BuzzFeed