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38 Things That Inevitably Happen When You Procrastinate

It's a disease, people!

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1. Well, first off, you're definitely not getting any work done. That's for sure. At least not for a couple of hours.

2. And that's mostly because you decided to go on Instagram.

3. And stalk people your friends follow. Because of curiosity and whatnot.

4. But then you start to get scared that you might accidentally double-click on a photo and then everyone will know you were stalking this person, so you move on to Facebook, where it's a bit safer.

5. So you go through your timeline, clicking on pictures of friends you haven't talked to in a while…

6. Which leads to you clicking on a stranger's album, even though you don't know anyone else in it, but the album is not that entertaining, mostly because you don't know anyone else in it, so…

7. You check out Instagram one last time before you get back to work.

8. But you're hungry. And you can't work on an empty stomach, so now you're trying to think of the perfect meal, which is literally impossible to do.

9. Somehow in that process you stumbled onto Wikipedia and now you're reading about Tom Hanks' childhood.

10. Which naturally leads you to check out how Rotten Tomatoes scored Cast Away.


11. They gave it a 90% fresh rating, which you think is a little low because surely that's Tom Hanks' best movie, so you go to IMDb to see what else Tom Hanks has been in to prove your point.

12. Somehow you totally forgot about Forrest Gump, so you have to see if that got a higher rating than Cast Away, which it didn't (71% rating), so now you're determined to figure out if Rotten Tomatoes hates Tom Hanks.

13. While going through Tom Hanks' IMDb page, you notice that Tom Hanks is in every movie you love and now you don't even care if Rotten Tomatoes snubs him because you know he's the best and they're just jealous.

14. But just for good measure, you check out what Toy Story got because if that didn't get 100% then why even bother with this site? It did, obviously, so now it's time to see what The Santa Clause got because of Tim Allen.

15. Which leads you back to IMDb to read about the kid in The Santa Clause because "What's he been up to?"

16. "He was in Batman & Robin?! The one with Arnold Schwarzenegger as Mr. Freeze?! What? Who was he? Ah 'Young Bruce Wayne.' Good for him. I wonder how old he is…" So back to Wikipedia you go.

17. Apparently he is 28. Unfortunately, the rest of his Wiki page is pretty bland, so you go to Jonathan Taylor Thomas' page because he also worked with Tim Allen and probably should have been in that movie instead of Eric Lloyd, aka "Young Bruce Wayne," aka "Charlie."

18. "THE MOTHERFUCKING LION KING, SON!" And now it's time to play that Nashabenya song. Off to YouTube!

19. There you discover that it's actually "Nants Ingonyama Bagithi Baba" so you decide to look up the lyrics to better educate yourself.

20. After listening to that song, you see "I Just Can't Wait To Be King" on the right sidebar, and you're not going to NOT listen to that song, so…

21. "Is that really Jonathan Taylor Thomas singing? That can't be him. Although, I wouldn't be surprised if it was. It's JTT." And now you're back on Wikipedia looking up who sang "I Just Can't Wait To Be King."

22. It's not him. It's some guy named Jason Weaver, who… [clicks on his name]… "OMFG! He was the brother on Smart Guy?!" Naturally, this leads you to check out what everyone else in Smart Guy has been up to.

23. You already knew that Tahj Mowry is the little bro of Tia and Tamera, but you still gotta see what he looks like now because you remember seeing pictures of him not too long ago and he definitely looked older, so you need to see if that is still true.

24. But before you can scroll through his Google Images page, you see a picture of him next to Michelle Tanner because he was in Full House, which you do now remember, so you look up if Mary-Kate is still dating that one creepy guy.

25. She is. Ugh. "Who even is Olivier Sarkozy, anyway?" So you Wiki him.

26. "Olivier Sarkozy (born May 26, 1969) is a French banker based in the United States. His half-brother is Nicolas Sarkozy, former President of France." This does nothing for you, so you IMDb Lake Placid to find out that one dude's name.

27. "Oliver Platt. Close enough." And by this time, you're extremely hungry, and mad that Mary-Kate is with Olivier Sarkozy, so you go back to Instagram because it's been a while and you need to see if someone posted a photo you can like.

28. They didn't. But maybe your friend's liked a photo that you might like, so you check out that section of Instagram. Again.

29. Looking at those photos reminds you that you need to work out, so you check to see if it's going to rain.

30. It's not going to rain, which sucks because now you HAVE to go, but before you do that, you should probably find a good #tbt picture to post later.

31. So you go to Facebook to look at your profile pictures, but get distracted by the new updates from your friends, because you had to check your timeline because that's what it's there for, and if you didn't you'd be a bad friend.

32. Speaking of which, you just saw that every episode of Friends is going to be on Netflix, so you Google that to make sure you didn't just make that up.

33. You didn't; it's true. And now you're on YouTube watching the blooper reel from Season 1 of Friends.

34. After going through every Friends season's blooper reel, you check to see if there are any outtakes from The Office, which there are, so you watch those, because, DUH!

35. Midway through "The Office - Bloopers Season 6" — which was only the second blooper reel you clicked on for the show because you don't care about chronological order anymore — you realize that you STILL haven't eaten anything. And that must be fixed.

36. So you walk to the fridge to see what you have. You have nothing, which you already knew before getting up, but since you're already standing, you decide to just stare into the fridge for a bit.

37. Not surprisingly, this leads to more nothingness, and now you're kind of tired from everything that you've done so far, including but not limited to standing and walking all the way to the fridge, so you debate taking a nap.

38. This leads to guilt for having put off the thing you were originally supposed to do, but you decide to take a nap anyway because that will refresh you and give you enough energy to complete the demanding task. After all, emails don't write themselves.