1.You have to double- and triple-check the alarm on your phone before going to bed, otherwise you'd sleep until noon.
2.And you actually set a whole bunch of alarms, just to be safe.
3.This habit effectively trains you to wake up and then immediately fall back to sleep without ever really being conscious.
4.Meaning the only purpose of those early alarms is so you can snooze them.
5.Which you love to do because the sleep between those alarms is the BEST SLEEP IN THE WORLD!
6.Even if you only have two minutes left before you need to wake up, you go for that DEEP SLUMBER and turn yourself into a blanket burrito.
7.And you've convinced yourself that NOT sleeping through those two minutes would be wasteful. If you really had to get up, you could, like if there was a fire or something, but there's not. You've earned these two minutes by waking up before your alarm.
8.Unfortunately, this often leads to over-sleeping, so now you're more tired than you were before, creating an internal argument about why you always do this to yourself.
9.Which leads to the ultimate question: Do you wake up now or take the day off and be lazy?
10.So you do a test run to see just how sleepy you really are. If you're still paralyzingly tired after 10 more minutes, you're calling in sick.
11.But then you start to feel guilty because you're not really sick, so you turn off all of your alarms as a deadly consequential challenge to yourself. YOU WILL WAKE UP!
12.But first, you decide to check Instagram because people might have posted stuff while you were asleep.
13.And then Instagram leads to Facebook and Twitter, and now you're just doing anything to delay getting out of bed.
14.Finally, you realize you're just postponing the inevitable, so you make the decision to get out of bed.
15.Before you actually get out of bed, though, you start to mentally pick out your outfit for the day because you're all about saving time.
16.Unfortunately, this is not easy because you just woke up and your brain's not working yet and and the only outfits you can think of are the ones you recently wore.
17.So you just stare at your closet, imagining the potential outfits, and wondering whether people will judge you for wearing the same top twice in one week.
18.This takes longer than you expected, so now you're running SUPER late, which actually works out because now you CAN wear that top and get away with it because "running late" is an excuse for everything.
19.And despite hating yourself all morning for doing this yet again, you know you'll do it again tomorrow because there's nothing like that post-snooze nap.