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I Can Now Say That I’ve Truly Seen It All
Ardi Rizal smokes up to 40 cigarettes a day. He smokes one brand and one brand only, and has major meltdowns when his parents try to take his smokes away. Because he’s TWO YEARS OLD. [read the complete story at The Bad Moms Club]
This Bad Mom Wins For Mad Bad Baking Skills
Birthday cakes: sometimes they are the best part of the celebration and at the very least are guaranteed to draw oohs and aahs. Or – if the birthday girl or boy is really lucky – maybe a moan of ‘braaaaaaaiiiiiins‘.
Smells Like Teen Vampire: Robert Pattinson To Take A Bite Out Of Nirvana
There’s a kind of poetic beauty to the news that – you might want to sit down for this – Robert Pattinson, the sparkliest vampire in the history of the world is going to be playing the role of – really, you’re going to want to sit down for this – Kurt Cobain, the least sparkliest anything in the history of everything. Keep Reading
Nothing Says ‘Playtime’ Like A Squirt In The Eye
This is the best doll ever, in my opinion. Why bother with those ridiculous breastfeeding dolls when you can have one with a robotic, urine-spraying willy? You must watch this video.
Rachael Ray Could Never Be This Cute
There is a strong possibility that the children of The Bad Moms may have created, produced, and marketed the following cooking show. The banjo music seems their style. Also, the hostess Zaylee Jean could be a friend that we just haven’t had the pleasure of meeting yet. At just over a minute into the video the reaction and excitement of Zaylee Jean is pretty much akin to how we roll when cooking in our kitchen. It ain’t cookin’ time until the flour flies. [watch video and continue reading]
This Just In: Toddlers Are Better At Technology Than You
This is noteworthy? Really? That a two and a half year old can work an iPad? Have these people not seen a baby with an iPhone or iTouch? An iPad is like the super-sized, Pat The Bunny board book version of an iPhone. It’s huge. Of course a toddler can use it. A toddler could teach you to use it.
Bacon Baby Formula: This Bad Mom Does Not Approve
AGAIN WITH THE BACON! Last week we featured research that finally supports the fact " the FACT! " that bacon makes babies brainier, and before that we shared the interesting and now proven-by-science claim that more than 40% of Canadians prefer bacon to sex. And now we're here to tell you that this whole UP WITH BACON business has gone a little too far. Baby formula too far.
Angelina Jolie As Maleficent? There’s A Brad Pitt Joke Here, But This Bad Mom Can’t Find It
Why don’t I find this hard to believe? Angelina Jolie is rumored to be taking on the role of one of my four-year old daughter’s most revered villains: Maleficent of Sleeping Beauty fame.
Senor Caca Is Not On Our Reading List
Sometimes I read an article and think that it cannot be possibly true. Someone, I tell myself, must be pulling the Internet’s leg because something this ridiculous cannot exist. Take, for instance, this post on creepy children’s books. I had to verify that some of these texts are actual published works, and much to my horror, they are. Now I’m officially terrified of children’s book authors along with clowns, and Ann Coulter.
And Next Up, A Nursery School Performance Of Goodfellas…
My daughter is only in junior kindergarten, so she’s never been in a school play. She has, however, been in a dance recital, and I can tell you that it was not inspired by the movie Showgirls or the Demi Moore classic Striptease or even that old favorite, Flashdance. This, obviously, was a very great relief to me, not least because not one of those films would benefit from a live action remake. The following grade school play was, however, inspired by a movie, and an R-rated one at that. Behold, people, for I bring you A Very Little Kids Presentation Of SCARFACE [Read More]
Bad Moms Love Hello Kitty, Especially When She Has 11% Alcohol Content
Hello Kitty: A small Japanese kitten character that both my daughter and I enjoy fawning over. Yes it’s true: I love Hello Kitty and her mouthless ways. (‘Mouthless’ is very attractive to me these days, now that my daughter has entered a phase of non-stop talking. If you’re a parent to a small child, you understand.) Anyway. Hello Kitty’s latest product has made her even more loveable to this bad harajuku mama: Hello Kitty Wine [Read More]
The Disney Character Your Man Can Smell Like
You must, by now, have seen that Old Spice commercial. You know, that one. If you haven’t, your life is much sadder than you think, and you must rectify that. If, however, you have, and you are anything like me, you have probably spent countless hours making your daughter’s stuffed animals say things like “look at your gorilla, now back at me; look at your gorilla, now back at me” and wondering just how much better an episode of Dora would be if Boots suddenly up and went “I AM ON A HORSE.”
Bad Mom Hack: Colouring Dress For The Distraction And The Win
Who remembers to carry a colouring book during those times of need? Okay, probably all those really organized and Boy-Scout-calibre uber parents remember to keep coloring books tucked away in their bag of tricks for entertaining the idle hands of little devils, but really: we will never be among these people. So for people like us: why not just wear the coloring book? [Read More]
Bad Moms Love An A to Z of Awesomeness
Yes, ‘Awesomeness’ is a word and that fact will become glaringly obvious once you set your eyes upon this alphabet of coolness. It has everything from Aztecs in Atomic Armour Attacking Anomalous Amphibians to ZZ Top Zapping Zombies and everything in between. So if you’re going to run ABC’s with your kid, why not do it awesomely? [Read the full story]
The World Needs More Babies, People. Japan SAYS SO.
Oh, the ChildFree people are going to love this, which is to say, they are going to hate it, because they are humorless, and because they hate babies. Who will love it: anyone who understands that anything that is called ‘Love Jet Spray’ and is hawked by an aging Japanese inventor is hysterically funny, and maybe also Spike TV. [Continue Reading]
Sarah Palin Plus Mate: This Is What My Reality Television Nightmares Are Made From
Leave it to TLC, home of Jon & Kate Plus 8 and The Duggars: 18 Kids & Counting, to take on the cacophony known as Sarah Palin. Sarah Palin has been shopping around a reality show (of course she has; haven’t you been doing the same thing?) and finally a network – TLC – took the bait. [Read the full story]
Ima Let You Finish, But Beyonce Will Have The Cutest Babies OF ALL TIME
Is Beyonce in the family way? I hate usually hate reporting these things because it often means there was a large lunch and a unforgiving bodice involved and – damn it – can’t a woman rock her belly once in a while? But this ‘announcement’ slash rumor isn’t based on a is-it-a-baby-is-it-a-burrito bump but on a ‘ROCK SOLID source’ [caps theirs not mine]. [Read the full story]
Toys “R” Us Branch Out With A Bang
Someone in charge of updating the Toys “R” Us online catalogue is gonna have some explaining to do unless the “R” in the name now represents Rifles. OR, maybe laser boresights are the latest hot toy. I’ll admit, I don’t follow toy trends. That said, regardless of my ignorance of popular playthings, it is curious as to how a real ‘bang-bang you are dead’ gun accessory ended up for sale on the Toys “R” Us site. [Read the full story]
Bad Moms Love Lost. Also, Guyliner.
I don’t know about you, but I was really glad that this week’s Lost finally – FINALLY, after years of stringing us along – answered the question that we were all dying to know the answer to…
CatholicTV Tries 3D to Engage Youth; This Bad Mom Tries To Avoid Getting Hit By Lightening
Basically the idea is: the CatholicTV network is introducing 3-D shows to lure the apathetic youth back to the flock. Hey, it worked for James Cameron and Avatar. Though I must point out to the Church that he has been quoted calling the Lord’s Prayer a ‘tribal chant’ and he has been married five times, so maybe he isn’t the best person to turn to for guidance.