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5 Steps To Ultimate Minimalism

Clean your life up, mate.

Posted on
Lil Ashton

Minimalism can be tough, confusing, and sometimes downright rude (how dare anyone tell me to get rid of my framed photograph of my own toilet?!). That's why I'm here with this helpful guide to make you minimal as heck A.S.A.P.

Let's go.

1. Just get rid of everything

Listen, you don't need 5 vinyl Janet Jackson figurines, I'm telling you, you gotta get rid of them. You don't need that one tube of hand cream you've had for 3 years and haven't used. You don't need a crocheted lady with a big dress to sit on your toilet roll, that's weird. Get that outta here.

2. Seriously, why do you own this?

A cardboard cutout of Gérard Depardieu? Stop living in this sick fantasy world. Set him free so he can be happy in the wild with all the other Gérard Depardieu cutouts. If you love him, let him go.

3. Blame your parents

Yeah, okay, I know they wouldn't let you keep 500 frog sculptures in your room when you were 8. I know. You can't let that moment dictate your whole life though. You get to make that decision yourself now. Maybe only 400 frog sculptures?

4. Definitely own toilet roll

No, listen, you don't need to throw out your toilet roll. You're probably going to use that. Will you let go of it please? You're going to rip it. Don't do this.

5. Enjoy empty space

Hey, looks like you threw out everything! You even threw out your keys? Well, that's a little extreme, but at least you have a relaxing abundance of emptiness now. Well done! I'm going to leave because I hate being in a room that doesn't have at least 6 posters of Dwayne 'The Rock' Johnson, but it's been good. Bye.

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