As A 28-Year-Old Woman, I've Decided Not To Have Kids — Here Are All The Reasons Why
I want to focus on things that bring me joy.
Hi, I'm Morgan! This is my partner, Bradley (and our puppy-son, Dandelion). We've been together for nearly six years. As you can imagine, we get asked when we're gonna have kids ALL. THE. TIME.
So, I thought it would be a good idea to compile all of the very valid reasons why I don't want children:
Disclaimer: I have SOOO much respect for all the parents out there! In no way is this post meant to demean people who've chosen to have kids. These are just my thoughts on why having children is not the right path for me personally.
1. They're so freaking expensive.
As a millennial, I've gotten to the age where I dream – on a daily basis, TBH – about buying a house with a little backyard for my doggo. But if I had kids, dreams of homeownership would fly right out the window. In 2017, the US government released a report estimating the average cost of raising a child is $233,610. Ummm, not on my salary!
2. I want to travel the world.
Traveling is one of my favorite things in life. Visiting beautiful places, trying delicious food, enjoying various cultures, meeting new people – I want all of it! My partner and I have only traveled to a few countries together so far, and that's when we've made some of our favorite memories. But having kids really limits your adventures. For example, when we went to New Zealand, we went black water rafting through glowworm caves and climbed waterfalls. Obviously, you can't do that kind of stuff with babies in your arms. I guess you could leave the kids with babysitters every time you go on vacation? But by the time you're a parent, you probably don't want to leave them behind!
3. I love being the fun aunt.
I have a huge family, and there's no shortage of kids. I love popping in, spoiling them with gifts, and having so much fun with them. But as soon as someone needs a diaper change or gets cranky, I get to give them back! It's like having some of the good bits of parenthood without any negatives.
4. The idea of giving birth is truly terrifying.
I understand the basic concept, but goddamn. You want me to push a WHAT out of my WHERE?! And the idea of a C-section is just as scary; they don't even put you to sleep! I cannot imagine the pain of childbirth, and I have zero interest to try it out. Plus, the maternal mortality rate has shockingly been increasing each year in the US. The CDC released a 2020 report stating that out of every 100,000 births, there are 23.8 deaths. These statistics drastically worsen when you look at women of color; for example, the mortality rate for Black women jumps to 55.3 deaths. No matter how you look it, childbirth is scary and dangerous.
5. I want to focus on things that bring me joy.
Between work, chores, and obligations, most adults have precious few hours every week that they can dedicate to hobbies. I've always loved writing, and it brings me a sense of peace and fulfillment. I'm also trying to learn more Samoan so I'm no longer the only granddaughter who doesn't understand what my nana is saying, lol. And I'm a huge bookworm! I usually read one to three novels every week. There's so much that I still want to accomplish and experience, and adding kids into my life would take time away from doing what makes me happy.
6. It's a huge responsibility.
When you have a kid, it's up to you to teach them right from wrong, how to be a good person, and the important values in life. Plus, you're in charge of ensuring they're well-adjusted and happy. If you mess up badly enough – even with the best intentions – you could potentially cause a lifetime of trauma and unresolved issues for someone who never even asked to be born. It's a massive responsibility and a ton of pressure.
7. I'm happy being a dog mom.
Our three-year-old Chow mix is easily one of the greatest highlights of my life. During this period of work from home, Dandelion has been my constant companion, eased the anxiety of living in uncertain times, and given me unconditional love in the way that only animals can. My fur baby makes me laugh every day – though he makes me want to pull out my hair some days, too – and I'm so happy being his mom that I don't feel the need to have any human babies, too.
8. If you regret having a kid, there's not much you can do.
In recent years, there have been sooo many people – both anonymously and not – who have come forward and admitted that while they love their children, they regret having them. Obviously, IDK what that's like, but I can only imagine the resentment and/or sadness that could build up over time. Having a kid is a lifetime commitment, and there are no refunds or take-backs if you change your mind.
9. I like my relationship with my partner just the way it is.
My partner and I have a wonderful relationship, and I couldn't imagine doing life with anyone else. But add in the stress of children, new expectations, and possibly disagreeing about parenting styles? Who knows how that would affect everything? I love us exactly how we are right now, and I'm not interested in changing a thing.
10. I hate, hate, hate the sound of babies crying.
This may seem silly to some people, but it really is a big deal to me. You know how some folks absolutely can't stand the sounds of things like chewing, typing, or heavy breathing? It's almost like nails on a chalkboard to them. Well, that's called misophonia. According to WebMD, it's when "certain sounds trigger emotional or physiological responses that some might perceive as unreasonable given the circumstance." That's exactly what happens to me when I hear a baby crying; I literally freak out. It gives me so much emotional distress that I have to leave the room immediately.
11. I love the freedom of being childfree.
My partner and I want to start a new adventure together, so we'll be moving to Austin this summer. After a few years there, who knows? Maybe we'll want to move to San Francisco or NYC. I'm also a citizen of Australia and New Zealand, so we could always try living overseas for a while. While families with kids can certainly move around, you have to prioritize your children's feelings, school, and what's best for them.
12. I would feel guilty bringing a child into this world.
I think one thing we can all agree on is that the current state of the world leaves much to be desired. From war to income inequality, to racial injustice to climate change, there's just so much bullshit in this world that I don't think I'd feel good about bringing a new life into it.
13. I love sleep.
This is probably true for most people, but there's nothing I love more than sleeping in during the weekend. And when I don't get enough sleep, I am one grumpy lady! I cannot imagine willingly sacrificing my sleep for another person.
14. And finally, there's just no part of me that wants to have kids.
Some people want kids, and some people don't. Neither choice is better than the other; I just happen to be one of those people who isn't interested in being a mother. And that's okay! I think it's high time society started supporting women in whatever we decide is best for our bodies, lifestyles, and dreams.