Recently, we wrote up secrets that married men are keeping from their significant others. So, we asked married women in the BuzzFeed Community to tell us what they'll never reveal to their spouses.
Here are some of the shocking and heartbreaking responses:
1. "Years back, my husband and I were going through a rough patch. I started having an affair with a handsome man I met at work. It was everything I’d been missing: passion, romance, and wild in the bedroom. But I became pregnant a few months later. I came to my senses and cut things off to focus on my marriage and the baby. To this day, I don’t know if my child belongs to my husband or the man I had an affair with."
2. "I lived a double life with another partner for six years out of our 12-year marriage. Same city, used a different name, two wardrobes, two sets of friends. I was exhausted. No kids, thank god. I was incredibly selfish. Neither of them know. I’m in therapy now."
3. "Our first child was not an accident. I was ready. We had a great support network in my family and our friends. We owned our home. Both had stable careers. We’d been together for 10 years. He kept saying it wasn’t the right time, but I don’t think he ever would have felt it was the right time. His mom was emotionally abusive, and his dad was just thoughtless — both told him regularly that their careers were more important than him. His own fear of being like them was holding him back. So, I just decided to go off the pill and feign surprise when the test was positive."
4. "I had a torrid, full-blown love affair with a coworker. Neither of us were happy in our marriages at the time, but we brought out a passion in each other that neither of us had with our spouses. Our affair ended after two years, but we still remained friends. We both stayed married and even became parents. Our kids are the same age, and we all hang out together. Neither of our spouses knows the truth, though I’m sure they had their suspicions over the years."
5. "About four years ago, our neighbor, who is a beautiful man, started looking at me a certain way. I don’t have much self-confidence and don't feel very sexy, so it took me a while to realize he was attracted to me. Anyway, one day after a bunch of our neighbors got together, my husband went home and passed out cold. I ended up in my neighbor's garage doing anything and everything to each other. It was amazing. AMAZING."
6. "After my husband told me that he cheated on me, I slept with three of his friends. I will never tell my husband because he still feels guilty, and divorcing at this time will negatively impact me. Our marriage has been over since he told me, but I need for our youngest to graduate so that I am not financially ruined."
7. "Once a year, I sleep with my husband's brother (who is also married) during a 'business trip.'"
8. "I racked up $50,000 in credit card debt and took out loans to pay it off. I will never tell my husband."
9. "During my junior year of college, my now-husband and I were on a break. We had been dating since high school but called off our official relationship. You honestly couldn't tell we were not an item because we talked all the time, hung out, and constantly had sleepovers. But a guy in my major started paying attention to me. It had been a while since I felt pursued like that. I ended up sleeping with this guy one time, and it was the BEST sex I have ever had."
10. "I've cheated on my spouse several times and don't regret it. I've been asking for a divorce for a long time, and they refuse. *Insert shrug here* If they knew about my affairs, it might actually work the next time I ask, but now, I'm so exhausted from dealing with my partner that I don't have the energy to fight through a divorce."
11. "That I settled for him so my daughter (who was 2 at the time) could have a safe and steady upbringing. It took a long time to fall in love with him, and even today, I know he's not my soulmate. We work great together and bring out the positives in each other. It's been 13 years, and I'm not going anywhere, but I feel the pangs of guilt sometimes."
12. "I’m still in love with someone else. No matter how much I try to be a good wife, I still think about my ex. Nothing my wife does will ever make me feel like she did. My ex and I broke up, and I got married because I wanted to settle down. I can’t get her out of my mind. My spouse is the sweetest person and would do anything for me, but I wish she were someone else."
13. "After the birth of our child, our sex life kinda died. He just has no more interest in doing it, only when he is horny (a couple times a year). My sex drive is pretty high. Over the years, I tried to discuss the emptiness of a sexless marriage with him, but he said he’s fine with the situation. After nine years of almost no sex and feeling more and more miserable, I told myself I am way too nice of a person to be without sex and made the decision to not be monogamous anymore."
14. "I didn't realize I was bisexual until I was married to my husband for five years. We had a rough patch when I was stressed out with my PhD, and we were struggling financially. I got really close with a female friend. By the time I recognized my feelings, I was very much in love with her. I even confessed my feelings to her."
15. "The truth is I don't love or even like my husband. We had a whirlwind relationship and purchased our home within the first two years of us DATING! Seven years in, I've found out that he's selfish, dirty, and lazy. I want to leave so badly, but all my savings are in this house, which is now my prison."
16. "I’ve been cheating on my husband with one of his friends (also married) since before we got married. It’s now been over 17 years. We regularly see this other couple, and it would completely ruin two families and our entire friend group if the truth ever came out. Being home during the pandemic made our visits less frequent. Now, we've continued making plans to meet up every few months. It’s just sex."
17. "My husband is not great at saving. He thinks if there’s some extra after a paycheck, putting it toward wants and experiences works fine. He definitely keeps us spontaneous and enjoying the moments of life. But I have my own small business, and instead of putting it all toward our joint account each month, I take a small amount from each paycheck and put it in a savings account that he doesn’t know about."
18. "I could never tell my husband that sex with him is so boring. I totally miss the absolute sexual chemistry I had with my ex. But while sex is incredibly dull with my husband, he’s a good man who loves me, and he’s such a great dad. It would break his heart if I told him how I feel about our sex life."
19. "I cheated on my husband a year before we got married with my high school sweetheart, who I hadn’t seen in 12 years. I was on the verge of breaking up with my husband, and he knew it. After I cheated, I realized how much I love my husband and only wanted him. I will never, ever tell him what I did, and I will take that secret to my grave."
20. "I got pregnant shortly after we started dating and had an abortion without telling him. I always knew I didn’t want kids, and he came from a very anti-abortion background. I was afraid I’d let myself be talked into keeping it. Not to mention the relationship was only a few months old, and I had no idea if this was a guy I’d want in my life forever. So, when the birth control failed, it was the only option. We’ve been married 15 years. I’ll never tell him."
21. "My husband had an affair a few years back. That really broke me. We have done a lot of counseling, together and separately. But I know I’m only with him because we have young children, and I can’t afford to buy him out of the house."
22. "That he is a TERRIBLE kisser. Amazing lover, but kissing is...not good. If he knew, it would hurt him so much. So, I’ll take this secret to the grave!"
23. "Despite all efforts, my husband is just not very fulfilling for me in bed. He has severe anxiety, and I don’t know how to talk to him about it, so I just don’t. Instead, I just never initiate sex. I’d rather sleep than have boring, vanilla sex."
24. "That I might've actually wanted to have kids if my husband wouldn't be the father."
25. And finally, "I cheated on him with my coworker, who became a really close friend to me. We spent the night together a few times, we say I love you to each other, and he considers me his girlfriend until he can find someone else to give him the committed relationship he wants. I love my husband more than anything and can't live without him. Deep down, I know he wouldn't leave me if he found out that this is more than a friend. I sometimes regret getting involved with another man and feel guilty, but for the time being, I have a husband and a boyfriend."
Do you have any secrets you would never tell your significant other? Share your experiences in the comments below.
Note: Some responses have been edited for length and/or clarity.