It's no secret that unattainable beauty standards have wrecked women's self-esteem for far too long. Though there have been recent pushes for body positivity and body neutrality, we have a long way to go in rejecting societal expectations surrounding women's bodies.
Well, in r/AskWomen, Reddit user u/moneynah recently posed the question, "What beauty standard has affected you the most?"
And there were so many thoughtful and heartbreaking responses. Here are some of the top-voted answers:
1. "That women have to fight against aging, and we need to maintain our young appearance at whatever cost."
"This is so real, and the double standard is quite ridiculous. I have to continue looking 20 as long as possible at whatever expense, while practically every other man around me who is my age has a belly, gray hair, no fashion sense, and is probably balding. Men can age pretty much however they’d like to. Does it annoy the hell out of me? Yes, absolutely. I’m in no way a man-hater; I love men. But this crap is real, and it’s ridiculous."
2. "That women have to be skinny to be pretty."
"I feel like I’ve done so much work with body neutrality, but since entering a relationship, I’ve realized I have a lot more work to do in my relationship between my body and men. All these beauty standards come roaring up in my relationship despite my boyfriend being pretty much perfect about my weight and body."
"Also staying thin in all the 'right' places and thick in other places that society has deemed acceptable."
3. "The reality that beauty standards are centered around Eurocentric ideals and fair skin."
"Growing up biracial in a Southern white community was a trip. Popular makeup and fashion trends rarely worked quite right with my face and skin. Advice like 'just have confidence and you can fit in anywhere' doesn’t hold water if people automatically assume you don’t belong based on the shape of your eyes and cheekbones."
"Yep. Still fight my internalized colorism daily since I was discouraged from entering sunlight as early as I could walk. Such a horrible complex."
4. "That women are expected to have no body hair."
"It's this one for me, too — especially with my PCOS and hirsutism. It has affected me so much."
"I'll never get back the time I spent making sure my body was hairless every day. At the ripe old age of 32, I'm over caring."
5. "Huge breasts. I grew up seeing all those half-naked busty celebrities on TV, without realizing that most of them aren't natural."
"Omg yes. I’ve got A cups, and I’ve always thought they were insufficient. Never had any complaints but always felt they were lacking. Now, I’m in my late 30s. Actually looking at what they look like, I finally agree with my husband — they look awesome. I just wish I hadn’t spent 35 years feeling subpar when they’re honestly really nice boobs!"
"Yup. Boobs. My own are starkly asymmetrical, and it occupies my mind despite my best efforts to work on myself. I am saving up for fat transfer surgery to alter them. Funny thing? Apparently, asymmetry in breasts is super common. Well, I've never seen boobs like mine on TV or in the media. It's always adjusted for symmetry."
6. "That my nose will never be the little button nose that women are 'supposed' to have."
"I use to hate my largish nose, but then I saw a picture of my mom and me together, and I realized it's hers. I love it now because it's my mama's nose, and I don't want to change it."
7. "The expectation that long and straight hair is the goal for every girl. Curls are 'inferior,' and short hair also. I'm still so insecure about my hair. Constantly. I wore extensions for years, and they were weighing down my roots and causing damage."
"That women need to have long hair in order to be 'feminine.' I had my hair short in high school, and the amount of really mean-spirited questions and comments on my gender and sexuality was wild. In retrospect, I've been bullied for my appearance quite a bit by other women. When I cut my hair again in my 20s, it took me a while to fight the nagging memories that came with it. Today, I very much love my short hair."
8. "Having clear skin. I am in my early 30s and still have some back acne. It’s gotten better since my teens, but it’s hormonal and unpredictable, so there isn’t much I can do to control it except eat well, exercise, and try to manage my anxiety."
"It affected me so badly that last summer was the first summer I wore spaghetti strap tops that show off my back since I was 12. I felt I was ready to start not giving a f*ck even if I still have hyperpigmentation and some pimples."
"The whole glass skin obsession. Skin texture is normal."
9. "That stretch marks are bad. I’ve never been super comfortable in a bathing suit."
10. "The concept that any eating is bad eating, or that women shouldn't eat in public except for, like, super dainty salads or something. Eating 'real food' or anything remotely messy is 'unladylike.' I swear, if one more person says something along the lines of 'a moment on the lips, forever on the hips...'"
11. "Perky boobs. I have been mocked by other girls my entire life for having saggy boobs. They’ve never been perky. They never will be. I fantasize about chopping them off. Guys constantly used to say to my face that they found big saggy breasts to be repulsive, and that small perky boobs were superior."
"Fashion trends despise saggy boobs. Men despise them. Women despise them. The media despises them. I feel humiliated by them. Literally, just typing this out makes me want to cry."
12. "Having long slender legs. I’m 5' and have little stubs."
13. "That our bodies should stay the same throughout life. It’s perfectly natural for your body to change as you grow older, especially if you have had children. There is nothing wrong with that!"
15. "The overall airbrushed look. Just the fact that no line, wrinkle, blemish, cellulite, or bulge can be seen. I am just as guilty in overanalyzing every picture of myself, and I hate it."
16. "That glasses make you ugly!"
17. And finally, "Growing up as a teen during the 2000s era of very flat stomachs exposed everywhere, from J.Lo to Britney Spears, mine was always a slight pooch! I notice generally a lot of people’s insecurities they carry with them in life are a result of what was the beauty norm at the time they went through puberty. Ugh! But we can still try to fight the good fight and say f*ck it!"
Which beauty standards negatively impacted you? Have you found ways to overcome them? Share your experience in the comments below.
Note: Some responses have been edited for length and/or clarity.