1. Why is she scratching like that? Was she doing that yesterday?
2. Okay she's definitely scratching her head. Shit.
3. No big deal. I can handle this. I'll just do a quick head check.
4. La dee daaa....checking my kid's head. Nothing to see he.....AHHHHHH!
5. OMG my kid has f*cking lice.
6. No. No no no no no no no no no no.
7. No no no no no no no no no no no.
8. OMG they're on me, aren't they? Are they touching me?
9. Be cool dude. Have some chill.
10. Nooooooo I can't, I can't, they're on me I know it.
11. Get your shit together man, you're the parent.
12. Say something comforting. "Everything is going to be okay."
13. EVERYTHING IS NOT GOING TO BE OKAY.
14. Does this mean we're dirty? Is my kid the smelly kid?
15. Stop it. Everyone gets lice. They actually like clean hair better.
14. That scream was silent, right? Keep smiling. Be comforting.
15. Wait, now MY head is itching. And my face. And my neck. And my arms.
16. OMG THEY'RE EVERYWHERE. GET THEM OFF GET THEM OFF!!!!
17. Should I shave my head?
18. Should I shave her head?
19. Should I light everything on fire?
20. I should. I should shave my head and light everything on fire.
20. Okay, before kerosene google says to try peppermint oil.
21. Peppermint oil? This feels like it calls for chemicals.
22. Alright I'm combing through the peppermint oil/chemicals.
23. Gently combing. No big deal.
24. AHHHH! I touched one!
25. I know I'm supposed to be the adult about this but there are fucking bloodsucking bugs all over everything.
26. I. CAN'T. EVEN.
27. Wait, there are professionals for this?
28. Fuck it, I'm calling the pros.