The Top 10 Most Annoying Visitors After You Give Birth, Ranked

"Oh, good, you just got home from the hospital. We'll come on by!"

10. Any visitor you can't yell at, or spontaneously cry in front of, or kick out.

Comedy Central

Maybe it's your neighbor, an acquaintance, or your mother-in-law. Either way, if you're not comfortable kicking them out without warning, they shouldn't be there.

9. The visitor who just keeps texting you to "let me know what you need!"

CBS

Everything. You need everything. Lasagna would be an amazing start.

8. The visitor who wants to watch you eat the food they generously brought you.

BuzzFeed Ladylike

It was generous. It was. And you appreciate it. But also, you're wearing an actual diaper and your nipples are leaking.

7. The visitor who can't stop giving you advice on everything from when your milk comes in to kegels.

Metamucil

The only advice you're currently interested in is how to poop without passing out from the pain. Another good reason to keep visits short, btw.

6. The visitor who demands to know why you took two days to call them back.

Disney

Well, on the first day there was a human coming out of me, and on the second day I was so tired I thought my phone was a heating pad so I put it in the microwave.

(Pro-tip: set an away message in your email and an outgoing message on your voicemail letting people know you're a little indisposed at the moment, and to lower their expectations for a hot second.)

5. The visitor who thinks that holding the baby so you can get stuff done is "helping."

Outright Distribution

Flip it and reverse it. Loading and unloading a new parent's dishwasher is one less thing they have to do. Sure, hold the baby. But admit you're doing it because they smell irresistible and you like to cuddle.

4. Fine, I'll say it: Grandparents who take any resistance to their old school baby care practices personally.

Worldwide Pants

Yes, I know you laid me down on my stomach under an adorable bedding set and 12 stuffed animals, and I survived the horror. Also people used to think the earth was flat. Weird.

3. The visitor who is waiting when you get home. Y'know, to help.

Fox Searchlight

No no, by all means, we've been dreaming of our first night home as a family...and you.

2. The visitor who knows better than your doctor.

NBC

It doesn't matter how many times they tell you to soak your ass in coconut oil, please don't.

1. And finally, some people are going to be offended but it needs to be said. The #1 most are the visitors that insist on visiting immediately after you give birth.

Paramount Pictures

Yes, they mean well. Yes, there are exceptions. But for the love of all that is cervical, leave the new mom to heal. She needs her rest more than she knows.