How The Boiler Room Episode Of “My So-Called Life" Caused Your Sexual Awakening
There's only so much flannel and Buffalo Tom a 13-year-old girl can like...take.
First, hit play.
The year? 1994. The place? Three Rivers, PA. Jordan Catalano was the quiet, mysterious bad boy du jour.
Look how he breathes. Behold, for it is glorious.
Don't be confused. This is not Jared Leto. This is Jordan Catalano. Way deep, but tragically illiterate.
Seriously, just look at him draw breath. You want to fix him, don't you?
His shearling jacket. His skinny choker. His man-bob.
You could have taught him to read for hours.
You would have thrown it all away for that lost gaze. Your homeroom crush didn't hold a candle to Jordan.
He's just like...how he is.
Is it any wonder Angela Chase spent half the season looking like this?
Claire Danes' cry-face will always and forever remind you of the agony of giving your heart to a boy who barely spoke to you between make-out sessions.
Like Angela, you would wait with a tightness in your chest for him to appear, episode after episode.
He was a man of few words, but his incredibly sexy breathing said basically everything we needed to know. They were gonna make out so hard.
Like, SO hard.
::boobs twitching::
But in a season of epic heart flutters, there was one episode that eclipsed them all.
The official episode title was "Self-Esteem", but it centered around one very important development: Angela and Jordan had begun sneaking off together to make out in the boiler room, and Jordan wanted to keep it a secret.
It would be forever known as the Boiler Room episode.
The Boiler Room was no underside of the bleachers, friends. Shit was getting serious.
There were no "hellos" in the Boiler Room.
There were only Jordan Catalano's lips. Those sweet, sweet misunderstood lips.
"You can't like, treat me one way in front of your friends and the next minute leave me some note."
After Jordan ignored Angela at a Buffalo Tom show, she called him out on his boy-ness, and he was forced to do some of that deep thinking and heavy breathing he did so well. Tween girls everywhere roared with power (and anticipation).
But then...
Following a life-affirming bathroom chat for Angela and an eye opening reading of a Shakespearian sonnet for Jordan, they spot each other across the crowded hallway.
Epic deep breaths abound.
And he walks right up to her. In public.
She throws him the appropriate amount of shade. Makes him work for it.
EVERYONE is watching.
This is the part of the episode where you keep rewinding and replaying your VHS tape until it snaps. Then you wrap the broken mag tape around your body so you can watch it by osmosis.
"Can we like...go somewhere or something?"
What is this strange feeling in your pants?
Be still your beating everything.
You want a boy to touch your hand JUST. LIKE. THAT.
*Sigh*. Marry me.
"I'd do it if I could, I hope you know I would."
Buffalo Tom said it, but we all felt it. Y'know?
If you can handle it, watch the full scene below.
View this video on YouTube
You're probably going to want to be alone.