Dear Daylight Saving Time, could you kindly please fuck off?
Did you mean to make my six-year-old cry when she had to wake up in total darkness for school this morning? Because you did, you fucking asshole. She was sure it was too early and she was furious with you.
But you were nowhere to be found, Daylight Saving, so I had to absorb her wrath on your behalf.
Was it your intention to drive parents in America slowly insane every six months when the bed time schedules we spend all year meticulously setting get blown to shit so you can "spring forward" or "fall back."
(In fact, I wish you'd fall back on a bed of swords and die.)