The BuzzFeed Community asked readers to spill on the funniest things the kids in their lives have ever said or done, and whoa did they deliver.
1. "Awkward."
During a doctor's visit, the urologist asked my 3-year-old son to pull his pants and underwear down. When she went to examine him he looked at her and said "awkward".
- Jessica Button, Facebook
2. Silly mommy...
My 2-year-old daughter walked in while I was getting out of the shower. She looked at me and says "Mama, you're silly. You have a beard on your gina." I about died.
- Valerie Vauclair, Facebook
3. Mister mister.
We bought a water "mister" for our backyard. My son asked "What do you call it if it's a girl?"
- Amy Robinson Vogel, Facebook
4. Bottoms up!
My friend was having a hard time getting her daughter to drink water. At lunch one day the little one loudly exclaimed that "drinking makes mummy happy".
- Sarah Kerby, Facebook
5. The smell of freedom.
At a birthday party recently my 6-year-old cousin came up to me while eating cake, waved a plate in my face and said, "Josie, the air smells like freedom."
- Josephine Rose Gilchrist, Facebook
6. Rules are rules.
We were on a city bus, sitting next to two elderly women. My 3-year-old chose that moment to announce loudly, "I'm not supposed to play with myself in the bathtub. I need to wait 'til I'm in my bedroom aaaaaall alone!"
7. Language development.
Around the age of 2 my daughter was pointing at the kitchen counter yelling "what the fuck" over and over. I walked closer to the counter that she was screaming at and noticed that her new "big girl" utensils were up there. Turns out she just wanted the fork.
- tresk
8. The struggle is real.
My twin sons came running to me in a panic…and one says, "Ma! I CANNOT SEE MY EYES!"
9. Chocolate or vanilla?
I was breastfeeding my newborn son one day, when my 4-year-old daughter asked if one boob made chocolate milk and the other made white.
10. A matter of preference.
My nephew recently informed me that squirrels eat acorns because they don't like Mexican food.
- lizzys6
11. King of Pop Heaven.
My mom was explaining heaven to my 5-year-old niece, telling her one day she'd see her great-grandmother there. My niece replied, "Yeah and I can go see Michael Jackson too."
12. Body talk.
One night after dinner, my 5-year-old ran past and let out a huge fart that stopped him in his tracks. He turned to us and said, "Sorry, that was my butt saying thanks for the food!"
13. Garnish with a side of drama.
About halfway through a spaghetti dinner my 3-year-old daughter asked what the green stuff on the pasta was. When I told her it was parsley, she threw up her hands and said, "Well, I've never had it before, and now. My life. Is ruined."
14. The linguist.
My 7-year-old was convinced she could speak Spanish thanks to Dora. One day at a Mexican restaurant the waitress said "Gracias!" and with all the conviction in the world my daughter responded "Piñata!"
15. Vocational school.
I'm a preschool teacher, and the other day a little girl was standing next to me and stroking my eyebrow with her finger. When I asked what she was doing she said, "I'm your eyebrow petter."
16. Free association.
I was trying to get my kids to smile for pictures at the photo studio so I said "chocolate pickles!" My 6-year-old son grinned and yelled back "Chocolate boobies!"
17. Misdiagnosis.
I was resting inside at a family party when my niece came in to check on me. I told her I didn't feel well, that I had bad cramps. She then went outside and announced to everyone that "Aunt Kim doesn't want to come to the party because she has CRABS, really bad ones!"
18. Future dog groomer.
My 3-year-old came inside and announced "I peed outside." My husband asked if his underwear was wet and my son proudly replied, "Nope, I peed on Luna. It was like a shower for her."
Luna is our Saint Bernard.
- Amber Lynn Morris, Facebook
19. The chill zone.
My 3-year-old daughter climbed on my lap wearing a dress but no panties. I told her she needed to put on some underwear and she looked at me and said, "My vagina's like, 'I'm just gonna chill.'"
And when she talked for her vagina, it had a deep voice. Like a man.
20. Sharing is caring.
When my daughter was 6-years-old I was pregnant with my second child. We explained to her that my egg and her daddy's sperm made her, and my egg and her step dad's sperm made the baby. My daughter's response? "That's really nice that you gave them each a turn."
21. This little piggy...
One day my 4-year-old was upstairs and yelled, "ouch!" When I asked what happened he yelled down to me, "I stubbed my toe! The one that ate roast beef!".
22. Fresh from the North Pole.
When my daughter was 3 she did a really big poop on the potty. I asked her where all that came from. She very proudly announced "Santa got me that for Christmas!"
23. Reassurance.
One day my daughter leaned in and said to me, "Don't worry mommy, I love you and would never kill you."
24. Anatomy class.
My 6-year-old daughter had her appendix out. When the stitches were removed, there was a catheter in her abdomen, sticking up. She looked down and proudly announced: "Goodbye appendix, hello penis!"
- jules664
25. Balancing act.
I used to teach pre-schoolers. One day I was sitting on the floor with a 3-year-old squatting next to me. She's talking and talking and suddenly she just falls over. She gets up, looks at me, and says "That wasn't supposed to happen."
26. Fashion advice.
I was getting dressed while my 5-year-old was standing behind me. With a very concerned look on his face he sighed and said, "Aww mommy you need new underwear, yours are all broken."
I wear thongs...
- Denise Mendoza, Facebook
27. Dietary restrictions.
My 5-year-old daughter is a vegan. One day I caught her picking her nose and eating it and told her to stop. Her reply: "Why, are buggers not vegan?"
- Jessica Masterson, Facebook
28. Full disclosure.
We were in an elevator at a hotel going to the pool. It was me, my 5-year-old son, a teenage boy, and his dad. Suddenly, my son announces, "My mom isn't usually half naked, we're going swimming."
29. Obedience training.
Putting my son to bed one night he stroked my face, looked at me lovingly, and whispered in my ear that I was a "stupid dog".
- Emma Tasker, Facebook
30. The closet cropduster.
One day I caught my two year old daughter playing in my closet. She was hiding and all I saw were her little feet. I asked her what she was doing and she replied, "oh, I'm just farting in your closet," in this nonchalant, toddler tone...
- Pamela Quigley, Facebook
31. Little snitch.
When my son was in his first year of Cub Scouts, they took a field trip to the police station. Towards the end of the tour, a police officer started showing the kids everything he carried on his belt. When he got to the handcuffs, my son announced, "My mom and dad have some of those!"
- Jeff Mueller, Facebook
