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    23 Questions Parents Have For Toddlers

    Did you just put your finger up your butt and smell it?

    1. Are you pretending to miss Grandma just to piss me off?

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    2. When has whining ever ended well for you?

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    3. Why won't you let me pee alone?

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    4. How are you not starving?

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    Humans can not live on boogers alone.

    5. Seriously, how come you'll chow down on those boogers but refuse to try my cooking?

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    6. Do you really think I can't see you?

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    7. Who the hell taught you to negotiate like this?

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    And will they teach me?

    8. Are you deleting my apps on purpose?

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    Stop it.

    9. What exactly do you think that daddy longlegs is going to do to you if I don’t kill it?

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    We've talked about how they don't bite, right?

    10. When you ask for a snack at bedtime, are you consciously bullshitting me, or is that instinct?

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    11. Were you really asleep when you wet the bed?

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    Or did you just not feel like getting up?

    12. What's in your mouth?

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    13. Level with me: You've mastered fake tears, haven't you?

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    Because there's no way you recovered that fast.

    14. Do you really not know it's only been two minutes since the last time you asked if we were there yet?

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    15. Where is your other shoe?

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    16. What do you find redeeming or likeable about Caillou?

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    Are you punishing me?

    17. Do you have any idea how rude it is to ignore someone who is right in front of you?

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    18. Did you honestly pee before we left the house?

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    Because there's no way you need to go again already.

    19. Can you seriously not smell yourself?

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    20. Do you sneak out of your room at night and scatter legos for me to step on?

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    21. Do you think that dirt is an acquired taste?

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    Is that why you keep trying it over and over again?

    22. Would you seriously rather keep crapping your pants than use a toilet?

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    23. When did you get so big?

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    Can you not?

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